“The Precious Fragmentation” has the geeks coming up the stairs with Leonard hauling a giant box. He wonders why it’s his job to carry the heavy load. Sheldon points out that he’s the smart one, Howard is the funny one and Raj is “the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand their ways and fails.” This means Leonard is the muscle. They go inside the apartment where Penny is eager for food. Except instead getting take out, they stalked Adam West. Penny doesn’t know Batman. Sheldon ponders what they talk about after sex. Howard guesses it involves breaking the four minute mark. He’s the funny one. Turns out Adam West (or a guy who looked like him) led them to a cool yardsale that was closing up. They bought the box without knowing the contents. Penny ponders if there’s a new girlfriend in there since Leonard might need one shortly. She’s hungry. He ignores her and digs into the mystery box. First out is an original copy of the Ghostbusters script with slime. They’re all excited till they realize it’s for Ghostbusters 2. Howard gets emotional at an Alf doll. This was his safety pal when his dad deserted the family. Howard begs the puppet to expose his father’s location. Penny thinks it’s sad. Sheldon corrects her that not knowing Adam West was the original Batman is sadder.

Also found in the box is a Mr. Spock doll head without a body and Mr. T body without a head. Finally Leonard fines a Mr. T head on Mr. Spock’s body. “I pity the fool that’s illogical,” Leonard decrees. Penny has had enough of the geek in the box action. She’s going back to her place for lunch and to “window shop on eHarmony.” Leonard pays zero attention to her except to say, “Bye.” Raj uncovers an Aquaman doll with a dirty thing drawn on him. Sheldon pulls out what looks like a Lord of the Rings ring. They all quote the ring ceremony from the movie. Raj points out that they’re so nerdy.

This is the geeks at full nerd mode. The mystery box is perfect fodder for the quartet. There’s a natural joy in finding something weird full of weirdness. Of course there is a risk that it’s going to be a zonk. Once I got a box filled with props from Kings. That was cool to have various fake badges. Finding a Lord of the Rings ring would be a geek’s ultimate prize. It’s refreshing to see Leonard being one of the gang instead of merely the smart guy with the hot girlfriend. It’s also easy to understand why she would be so unconcerned about the box. Ever show baseball cards to your girlfriend?

The geeks eat at the Cheesecake Factory. Before discussing the ring, Sheldon gives us the history of ketchup. Turns out it was a fish sauce at one point. Howard has investigated the ring with a seedy underbelly of collectibles dealer. His pal sells screen worn Star Trek underwear. Turns out the ring is not a replica, but the real deal. Sheldon doubts it was the ring from Middle Earth. Howard explains how 9 rings were made for the movie. Three were given to cast members. Five were destroyed. One was stolen. This was that ring. Sheldon grabs it and declares it his since he found it in the box. Raj wants to know its worth. In the underground market, it can sell for $15,000. Raj suggests they sell the ring and buy a jet ski. Sheldon wants to keep it, polish it and take it to the park to recreate their favorite movie scenes. Leonard wants to give it back to Peter Jackson. Howard will go along with it if Peter Jackson makes him a hobbit in The Hobbit. Raj thinks there are no Jewish hobbits. Howard mentions his relatives prove that statement is false. Sheldon snags the ring. He wants to know why he doesn’t get things his way. Leonard nearly lose it on that point. Before things escalate, Penny arrives and reminds them that she brought them food instead of a random box of crap. Leonard suggest Penny holds onto the ring. He reaches into his pocket only to discover Sheldon has snagged it again. Penny isn’t too thrilled that Leonard’s first “gift” of jewelry is a movie prop that she can’t keep. But she accepts the ring on a necklace.

Penny and Leonard sleep in his bed. The ring is around her neck on a necklace. Sheldon creeps into the room. He does little irritating things to get her to flip right. She doesn’t cooperate. He gets mechanical grabber to snag the ring. After he clamps down, Penny screams and punches him in the face. Sheldon runs out of the room with a bloody nose. Leonard is impressed that Penny popped him.

This episode is building so well. The pressure is on. There’s no way any of the four can be happy with just having a little time with the ring. Shared items never seem to work amongst friends. Didn’t they learn this from The Honeymooners and the shared TV? Who wants to timeshare a ring? Who gets to wear it for Christmas? Or Dragoncon? Or Comicon? If you want your friendship to last, only buy stuff that can given the King Solomon treatment and cut in half. Although you’ll argue lengthwise or width on the slice. Sheldon getting punched by Penny is another highlight moment of this stellar third season.

At the lunch room, Howard asks Sheldon what it’s like to be beaten up by a girl? Turns out Sheldon has a twin sister that beat him up in the womb. He wished he’d have absorbed her so he’d just have a hairy mole. Raj arrives with his laptop. His lawyer cousin in India is on the Skype. Raj wants to two jet skis for his share in the ring. Leonard won’t deal with a jet ski. Raj kills the conversation when his cousin chokes. Howard will bring in his lawyer relatives. Leonard wants to just send it to Peter Jackson, but the ring is no longer in his pocket. Sheldon has it. The foursome all grab at the ring. They decide to do a last man holding game. The foursome have to walk out as a group.

They walk up the apartment staircase all holding on. Sheldon reminds them he spend hours on hold with a computer company to complain about customer service. He’s a machine. Leonard tries to top it by how he watched all five seasons of Sex and the City with Penny. Raj gives him the bad news that there’s six seasons. More pain to come for Leonard. They have to do ballet moves to pick up the keys from the floor and open the front door. Penny asks what they’re doing. She doesn’t care what her boyfriend is doing, but she’s got a bag from Victoria’s Secret. Leonard lets go of the ring and heads to her door.

In the apartment Raj, Howard and Sheldon hold onto the ring. Howard lies to his mom about being at the office. Raj makes noises like they’re at a strip club. Howard hangs up. Raj works on Howard’s mother. Sheldon doesn’t care about them going after his mother. Raj decides to go after Sheldon’s grandma. It’s not good. Raj insists that Sheldon’s grandma had sex to have his mother. Howard wonders if grandma had sex more than once? This is getting nasty. Sheldon talks about water images to inspire the other guys wanting to use the bathroom. But all three have to go use the toilet. They shuffle towards the bathroom.

Thank goodness we don’t follow them down the hallway. This Hands On a Hardbody episode is taking things to a proper extreme. Since there’s been no buzz of Peter Jackson making a cameo, that’s one ending that won’t be happening. Of course the secret of winning this kind of contest is the ability to have those silent, but deadly farts. Bad gas will always make people think twice about the price paid for the object in their fingers. Don’t go after their mothers or grandmothers cause it only takes one free fist to give you a black eye.

On the sofa Howard, Raj and Sheldon have fallen asleep. Howard no longer holds the ring. Raj lets go and rolls over to snuggle against Howard. Sheldon awakes to find himself the winner. He races into the bathroom to wash off the ring. He looks into the mirror to see he’s transformed himself into the Gollum. He wakes up screaming. It’s been a dream. He’s on the sofa with Howard and Raj, but the ring is gone. Leonard lets them know he mailed the ring back to Peter Jackson’s office. He had to stop the game because it would end with a selfish person and three ex-friends. He also refuses to clean up the bathroom. He heads down the hallway. In his bedroom, Leonard reaches under the rug and pulls out the ring. He calls it his precious.

Leonard and Penny sleep in his bed. The grabber appears and pulls the blanket off Leonard. He’s wearing the ring. Sheldon makes a grab for it. The two fight over the ring. Penny climbs out of the bed and heads out. She tells herself that she needs to date jocks at the gym.

A couple shows have semi-spoofed the Lord of the Rings. This was the best. “The Precious Fragmentation” was also less disturbing than the South Park episodes. Nobody journeyed up the wrong hole. The episode finally gave us an episode where Leonard had to choose between his nerd nature and his desire to maintain being Penny’s boyfriend. Although in the end, he schemed his way to get both the girl and the ring without giving the girl the ring. Jim Parsons pulled off the Gollum moves and look This ought to be a bonus feature on the upcoming Lord of the Rings Blu-ray set.
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Since the show has been in reruns for two weeks, the producers are going legendary on the geek out with Stan Lee as the special guest star. The legendary comic book icon’s responsible for so many Marvel superstars including ones he co-created with Jack Kirby. Non-comic book readers might recognize him as the guy who drank the tainted soda in The Hulk along with cameos in other Marvel movies. Tonight he gets to face off with the greatest character of the 21st century: Sheldon Cooper.

“The Excelsior Acquisition” starts in the comic bookshop. Leonard, Sheldon and Howard are picking through the racks. Raj enters with a speaker built into his t-shirt. He taps his iPod-esque device to play “The Imperial March” from Star Wars. They kid him about how awesome it is to have sound coming from between his nipples. Stuart, the owner of the shop, is excited to announce Stan Lee will be signing on Thursday. Sheldon wonders if Stan will have a new autobiography covering his exciting years between 79 and 87. Stan’s just signing as a favor. He and Stuart’s uncle have the same dermatologist. Sheldon wishes he hadn’t been told that since he’ll be scanning the icon’s face for skin issues. Raj flips out at the news and turns the iPod to “I’m So Excited.” He dances around the shop. Howard feels guilty since he taught Raj those killer moves.

The geeks sit around the apartment picking through tons of comic books in plastic. Leonard can’t decide which to get Stan Lee to sign. Raj has the Final Jeopardy music play on his shirt. “Nothing worse than a papercut,” Howard says. Raj thinks Howard as forgotten his circumcision. Sheldon tells Howard to get Band-Aids and stuff from his desk. Sheldon has decided to have Stan sign the latest issue of Batman since he has nothing to do with it. That will be a unique item. Raj wants to do the same thing. Sheldon gets upset that his genius idea is being copied.

Penny arrives to get the good news of Stan Lee’s signing. She acts thrilled, but Leonard catches on that she’s unsure. She guesses it’s really Stanley Tucci. She’s clueless to his identity. She guesses Star Trek, Star Wars and finally Bruce Lee’s brother. Penny swears she pays attention to the things that matter to her boyfriend. She’s more concerned about her sweatpants with “Juicy” written across the rump. Howard notices that Sheldon’s desk is full of uncashed checks. Sheldon doesn’t need the money yet since the stuff he wants hasn’t been invented. Why won’t he deposit them? He doesn’t trust banks. He believes when the robots rise up, they will use ATMs as the first force. Howard also discovers Sheldon has a court summons on a traffic charge. There’s a photo of him running him the red light when he had to take Penny to the hospital. Penny denies the night until he gets her to confess she finked him out to the cops. Sheldon refuses to pay the fine because he’s not guilty. It’s Penny’s fault for telling him to drive through the yellow light that turned red. Raj plays the Law and Order theme. Sheldon has to go into court on Thursday which Raj points out is Stan Lee day. The guys will not be joining Sheldon as he pleas his case in court. The only person not going to see Stan Lee is Penny. She’s going to court although he suggests she not wear a pair of sweat pants with Juicy written across the rump cause it might distract the judge.

While The Bang isn’t a serial, this episode requires you to remember “The Adhesive Duck Deficiency” (Episode 3-8). Strange they didn’t rerun it during the Olympic break as a quickie refresher.

What was I writing about Penny in sweatpants on the show? Now they are mocking her wardrobe. The show is on at 9:30 p.m. She ought to be wearing outfits more revealing that Charlie Sheen’s wardrobe. On the subject of having the wrong people signing stuff, I think it is cool. In my collection, I have a copy of J.D. Salinger’s Franny and Zooey signed by sportscaster Marv Albert. It was the only thing I had in my pocket. He was kinda perplexed by it, but J.D. Salinger was never going to sign it. I got John Landis to sign a production photo, “To Joe Corey, the highest bidder on eBay.” It took him a second to realize the strangeness of the request. Me and a pal once asked Gordie Howe to give us black eyes. He didn’t understand how cool it would be for people to ask us, “How’d you get that shiner?” We’d be able to reply, “Gordie Howe!”

Sheldon knocks on her Penny’s door. It’s court day and he’s suited up. He’s written out Penny’s lines for the hearing. It’s loaded with Sheldon’s idea of Nebraskan jargon. Penny calls her friend rushing her to the hospital the most heroic act of her life. There’s a cue for a tear drop during the testimony. After her first try Sheldon suggests she put on her Juicy sweatpants.

In the courtroom, Sheldon begins to explain his legal terms. The judge reminds him that he did graduate from law school. Sheldon ponders why the judge is now stuck in traffic court. Sheldon wants to have an opening statement. The judge wants him to keep it short since he’s had a bad breakfast burrito. Sheldon claims a three legged defense including Penny’s bad advice and the fact he can’t confront his accuser (the traffic camera). The judge thinks he has a point and declares him guilty. Sheldon gets nasty. He accuses the judge of being stuck at the kiddie table of the judicial system. He’s expected to apologize. Sheldon is a scientist and never apologizes for the truth. Suddenly he’s behind bars for contempt of court. In the holding tank, he points at the end of the bench and announces that is his space.

Raj, Howard and Leonard wait in line outside the comic bookstore. Raj plans on asking Stan Lee why all his characters have first and last names with same letters like Bruce Banner and Peter Parker. Leonard’s phone rings. Penny is back at the courthouse on her phone. She explains Sheldon’s being held on contempt of court. Leonard tells him to apologize. She wants him to come to the courthouse and help. The line is moving and Leonard won’t be coming down.

Finally Leonard’s jerk attitude plays right. There’s no way anyone should get out of the line because a pal went over the line. Sheldon really played his court visit like Felix Unger on The Odd Couple except with less hypochondria. He has no clue of the reality of being before the bench. There are a few select people you can never directly insult including airport security, IRS agents and traffic court judges. Sheldon was right in thinking this guy’s career on the bench had hit a dead end, but you don’t tell the judge the news. It’s easy to see that Sheldon has no problem proving he’s right no matter the consequences. He wasn’t a crybaby when they threw him in jail. Maybe this season is going to turn into Sheldon Goes to Oz.

Back behind bars, Sheldon has to use the bathroom. He asks the guard to let him out. He’s informed that he has to use the non-private toilet in the holding tank. Sheldon begs to see the judge to give an apology.

At the apartment, the geeks admire their autographed treasures. Leonard is amazed that Stan Lee signed it “To My Friend” and “Excelsior.” Howard also got the same cool signature. Raj’s just has “To Raj From Stan Lee.” Seems Stan didn’t like Raj’s naming question. Sheldon arrives in the apartment with Penny. He’s upset that he had to pay $553 in fines. Penny promises to give him a check as long as he puts it with his uncashed check collection. He has three points on his non-existent driver’s license. And the ultimate punishment was missing Stan Lee. Howard rubs it in that he didn’t merely met Stan Lee. They had gelato with Stan Lee after the signing. They got to call him Stan except for Raj. Sheldon stands up. He’s pissed off at Penny. She has brought evil into his life. He will never have gelato with Stan Lee. He quotes the moving finger. She fears she gave him the finger.

Penny enters the comic bookstore and shocks Stuart. She asks what he’s going to do after closing the store. He’s got big plans to share a can of tuna with a cat that isn’t his own. She feels guilty for not being able to let Sheldon meet Stan Lee. She begs him for Stan’s phone number to set up a meeting with Sheldon. Stuart confesses he has Stan’s address. He can’t give it to her. She heads to the door. He gets desperate. He’ll give her the address if she joins him for a cousin’s wedding. She can bring Leonard, but he’ll have to pose as her cousin.

This really shows how much Penny cares for Sheldon. What woman would go to such an extreme to patch things up with her boyfriend’s roommate? It’s not like Leonard would care if his girlfriend was being shunned by Sheldon. She’s willing to fix things as long as the solutions don’t cost money or double her car insurance. It’s perfect for her.

Penny guides Sheldon towards the entrance of Stan Lee’s mansion. He’s giddy. After teasing us all episode, the front door open and there’s Stan Lee. He wears a Fantastic Four bathrobe. He looks confused at his guests. Sheldon thinks Penny and him were invited by Stan. Penny confesses that she just had the address. She explains to Stan how Sheldon ended up in jail. Stan is not impressed. He complains about fans showing up at any hour. “Why don’t you just come inside and watch the Laker game with me,” Stan sarcastically announces. Sheldon admits to not being a sports fan, but he will watch the game with Stan. He ducks into the mansion and races down the hallway. Penny explains that Sheldon doesn’t understand sarcasm. Stan will give him something he can understand. He calls for his wife to ring the police.

Raj, Leonard Howard are eating in the apartment. Raj keeps listing on all the same letter superheroes Stan has done. Sheldon struts through the front door with a big smile. He’s out done their gelato memory. He’s been inside Stan Lee’s house and has an autographed application for a restraining order. He’ll be meeting Stan again at the hearing. Sheldon thinks this restraining order will look perfect from his one signed by Leonard Nimoy.

This is how you should work a superstar cameo on a sitcom. Compared to all Stan’s work in the various Marvel films, this is his finest dramatic hour. He isn’t the gushing fan of the fanboys. He doesn’t exactly go full Shatner on Sheldon with the “Get a life” speech. He’s an old man who needs his peace and quiet. This is another high point of the series as it delves into the life of geeks. It’s just a shame that they never showed us Sheldon stalking Leonard Nimoy. Where is that glory moment? Don’t tease us with Spock and Sheldon.
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“Large Hadron Collision” opens in the lunchroom as Howard is having a cellphone talk with his girlfriend. Raj is sick of Howard’s public baby talk with his woman. Raj admits he’s miserable and alone. Leonard wants to know what Howard will do for St. Valentine’s Day with his woman. He’s springing for the lovers’ special at PF Changs which includes a couple’s photos in front of the giant horses. Sheldon suggests since St. Valentine was killed to celebrate the holiday is to watch a brutal murder. Raj celebrates the holiday by eating a roasted chicken from a grocery store. This year Leonard will be celebrating by going to CERN’s Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland. A Nobel Prize winner was supposed to go but he threw his back out while mountain climber. Howard heard the injury came while the guy was seducing his busty weathergal lover. Leonard brags how he gets to fill in for the Noble prize winner. Sheldon wonders why Leonard gets to hook up with the weathergal. Turns out Leonard is going to CERN and gets to take a guest. Sheldon is excited about the news. He rushes out of the room to get home and start packing. Raj asks why he wouldn’t take Penny. Leonard is taking Penny. Raj thinks it’s going to be an awkward time back at home.

Sheldon packs his suitcase as Leonard enters the room. He breaks the bad news that he’s taking Penny. Sheldon doesn’t think she’ll like seeing the Collider. Sheldon doesn’t buy the romantic getaway aspect. He can’t see how Penny can possibly enjoy the massive science project.

In the living room, Leonard wants Penny to guess his Valentine’s gift with clues that involve swiss cheese, swiss miss cocoa and a swiss knife. She guesses they’re going to Disneyland to ride the Matterhorn. He excitedly tells her about CERN. She gives him a blank stare. He throws in the fact that they’ll go skiing. That excites her. Although he’ll be spending most of his time falling down in the snow. Sheldon pops up and announces, “Not so fast!” He pulls out the friendship contract. There was a clause about the Collider. How if one was invited, the other would get to come along. There was also clauses about winning grants and turning into a zombie. Leonard promised to not kill a zombie Sheldon. How dare Leonard ignore the contract since Sheldon lived up to his parts of the commitment including giving up Tuvan Throat singing. Penny doesn’t take him seriously on that clause. He does some Tuvan Throat singing. It sounds good. There was no clause for what if one of them gets a girlfriend since that was far fetched. Leonard won’t live up to his contract. He won’t talk Leonard to Bill Gates’ house if that ever happens. Sheldon goes to his bedroom to practice his throat singing.

Normally I’m not one to come up with solutions for a sitcom, but this all could have been prevented. We already know that Sheldon has plenty of cash stashed around the house. Leonard could have told him that he could join him on the day he tours CERN, but he has to pay his way since Penny gets the free plane ticket and hotel room. Penny would rather spend her day wandering a Swiss village instead of being stuck in the Disney World for geeks. Of course this would kill the entire episode and has zero humor to it. But if you ever find yourself in such a situation with your best friend and your significant other, try it my way. I have a pact with my cousin about us getting into the Playboy Mansion. Last year I received an invitation to a frolic in the legendary grotto with Bunnies galore. I was going to take him. That was until I realized it was a major fundraiser for a very worthy charity. Tickets were going to run us several thousand dollars. Thus neither of us made the trip. It hurt. But at least I didn’t try to screw him out of the chance to live our teenage dream.

Leonard drives Sheldon to work. It’s a nasty ride. Sheldon wants to play a game called “Traitor” where you put the traitors in order of their heinousness. The first batch is Judas, Benedict Arnold and Leonard. Sheldon admits it’s not an even group since Judas hung himself after the betrayal. The next trio are Darth Vader, Rupert Murdoch and Leonard. Rupert canceled Firefly.

In the lunchroom, Raj and Howard eat. Howard apologizes for not being around. He was with Bernadette. Raj says he saw his Tweet. When asked what he did last night, Raj prayed to a Hindu God to mess up Howard’s bowels. Leonard joins them. Howard swears he’d take Sheldon to Switzerland…and leave him. Sheldon comes over and slams down a tray filled with 30 pieces of silverware.

Sheldon has a right to be angry at Leonard’s screw job. It was his dream. Leonard really has become a major jerk since he’s hooked up with Penny. While it might sound romantic, the simple fact is that she won’t appreciate the entire trip. It’s like taking a loved one to Rome only to have them insist eating every meal at the Olive Garden. Penny will have that “when is this tour going to end” look on her face as they get past the security entrance to CERN.

Leonard sleeps while Sheldon plays the recorder over his bed. Sheldon has made him breakfast including pancakes that look like Frodo. This is his apology. He realizes friendship is not a contract. He’s willing to watch Babylon Five’s final season with Leonard even through he hates the show. It just what you do for a friend. Leonard still won’t take him to Switzerland. Sheldon takes his breakfast away.

Penny folds her clothes in the laundry room. Sheldon arrives. He thinks she knows why he’s here. She thinks it is to report back to the mothership. He plugs in his computer and projector for a Powerpoint presentation. He mocks her desire to go to Bath and Bodyworks instead of CERN. She turns on the light. She declares Leonard wants to take her. He only hopes she will appreciate the magnitude of what the Collider means. She gives in. She’ll tell Leonard to take Sheldon on the trip. He’s overwhelmed with emotion. He hugs her. “Since I rarely hug, I’m relying on your expertise for duration,” he says. She lets him know it is time.

Penny understands that this isn’t merely a dumb business trip or conference. She realizes that this isn’t her trip. Sometimes you have to be a pest to make people understand the magnitude of what they’re going to do. Or their stupidity in not taking full advantage of the situation. It’s like taking a vegetarian to a pig picking. They’re not going to enjoy the moment just picking at cole slaw and potato salad with all that luscious pork in the smokers.

At the apartment, Raj swears he can have a good time on Valentine’s Day. He’s going to a spa and then a pet store to get licked by puppies. Sheldon offers Leonard a traditional Swiss meal so they can adjust their diets for the trip. Leonard still won’t take him even with Penny’s blessing.

In the bedroom, Penny confesses to Leonard that she bought special undies for the occasion. He wonder if they’re thermal. She doesn’t plan on wearing them on the slope. He catches on. Penny sneezes. She thinks it’s allergies. He offers her pills. He’s not sure what works. Leonard wakes up to sound of Penny puking. She’s in the bathroom with the fear she either has the flu or the plague. He wonders if she’ll better before the flight. She will since she’ll be dead shortly.

Leonard bangs on Sheldon’s door to let him know the good news. However he hears Sheldon being sick in the bathroom down the hallway. Sheldon opens the door with a sickly excitement about getting to go to CERN. He’ll finish packing as soon as he finishes his next trip to the bathroom.


The plague won’t stop Sheldon’s dream of seeing the collider. He understands that this is the best chance. Maybe the air circulating in the plane will kill the bug inside him?

An extremely sick Sheldon sits on the sofa. The coffeetable is full of pills and medicines. Penny brings him chicken soup. Sheldon doesn’t know how he got sick since he avoids people. We get a hotzone flashback to Sheldon embracing Penny. She was Patient Zero. His one act of human kindness cost him a visit to the geek promised land.


The hotel room in Switzerland looks ready for a honeymoon with the snow falling outside the window and a roaring fire. Leonard opens the door. Raj enters as the special guest. He’s excited to see the champagne flowers and chocolates. Leonard forgot about ordering up the romantic special. Raj promises he won’t forget.

Has Leonard become just a snide jerk in the series? It’s hard to tell if the producers wanted us to think that Sheldon was being unreasonable with his demand to go. Leonard just didn’t come off as the guy who was being victimized by an overbearing friend. He came off as a complete weasel who would shaft a friend in order to impress his date. I felt worse for Sheldon coming down with a cold and missing out on the trip. Will the producers be addressing the question if Leonard realizes that he’s a jerk on the level of Kripke? We won’t know for another three weeks since CBS doesn’t want to run any original episodes while NBC runs the Winter Olympics.
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“The Einstein Approximation” has Sheldon standing in the kitchen with his back to a white board covered in various formulas. He quickly turns back and forth to look at the whiteboard. His hair is messed up. He looks like he’s tweaking out with his twitch moves. Is Sheldon bound for Celebrity Cerebral Rehab with Dr. Drew? Penny watches the glance and run. He’s attempting to look at his work as a fleeting peripheral image to engage a different part of his brain. Penny suggests using her solution: coffee. Doesn’t she remember what happened the last time Sheldon became a java junky? He’s been up all night working on this. Sheldon runs around and looks at the white board. Leonard scolds Penny for not locking Sheldon in his crate since he’ll just run around the apartment all night. Sheldon uses his hands to make a fake telescope. Leonard thinks he’s looking for the alligator that bit off Sheldon’s hand. Sheldon immediately corrects him that Captain Hook’s hand was eaten by a crocodile. Don’t mock the man with bogus facts. Leonard suggests he have a fresh start. Sheldon grabs the white board, opens a window and tosses it outside. A car crash noise is heard. Sheldon picks up a new blank white board and returns to the easel.

There is nothing worse than trying to solve a problem that just won’t click. You do stupid and weird things for a fresh solution. Although watching Sheldon reminds me of those magic pictures that supposedly had secret images in them if you stared the right way. I never figured out how to make them work. Although mainly it was because I didn’t want to stand like an utter dork at the mall. Sheldon doesn’t have that dork issue.

Sheldon loudly works on the problem at the end of the table in the lunchroom. Howard and Leonard are at the opposite end. They keep away from the genius. Howard asks how long has Sheldon been stuck. Leonard replies that he’s been stuck ”intellectually for 30 hours. Emotionally for 29 years.” Howard suggests they try rebooting him. Leonard thinks its a firmware issue. Raj joins them with the great news that its disco night at a roller rink. Immediately Leonard and Howard decide it’d be a great double date event. Raj feels upset that his entertainment suggestion has turned him into the fifth wheel. The attention turns to the uber-geek in the room. Sheldon is so focused he used butter as a stick of deodorant. Howard thinks he smells popcorn. Leonard hasn’t seen him this stuck since The Matrix Revolutions. Sheldon steals Raj’s lima beans to use a carbon atoms. He takes Leonard’s peas for electrons. Howard volunteers his corn. Sheldon is revolted. Leonard brings up getting dinner before the rollerskating. Howard wants to go to PF Changs. His mom has coupons. Leonard warns him not to bring his mom along. It wasn’t good the last time she tagged along. Raj is upset that his idea has been turned into a double date. He wishes they both fall at the rollerrink and break their coccyxes. Sheldon corrects him on the plural term. Raj takes back his lima beans.

Even though I live near a PF Changs, I’ve never received any coupons from them. However it turns out the Chinese restaurant chain has online printable coupons. You can sign up for their Warrior Card that gives you 10% off your total meal. Thanks to the internet, you can live like Howard’s mom. They have addictive lettuce wraps.

Penny and Bernadette walk up the stars in their disco roller skating outfits. They’re not sure what was more embarrassed about their dates: their skating or disco dancing. Penny thinks the biggest embarrassment was people seeing them all leave together. Howard and Leonard think they were hot stuff at the rink. They wear shimmering shirts that were stolen from Neil Diamond’s tour wardrobe. Leonard begs Penny not to mention he hurt his ass falling to Raj. He opens the apartment door and lets her enter first. She steps inside and goes down. So does Leonard. The floor is covered in marbles. Sheldon is upset because they’ve ruined everything. Penny thinks she hurts more because Leonard has been practicing hitting his ass all night. Bernadette asks Sheldon when was the last time he slept. He guesses three days. He doesn’t need sleep as he hunts down the “toad of truth.” Penny thinks it’s science jargon. Leonard declares it’s a crazy thing. Bernadette appeals to Sheldon’s scientific mind and mom issues by forcing him to brushing his teeth and go to bed. Leonard is amazed. She’s had experience with difficult kids since her mom ran an illegal daycare in the basement.

There’s a strange unknown sexual triangle tension arising between Penny, Bernadette and Sheldon. While Penny might be the softy for Sheldon, Bernadette has a tight connection on him. She knows how to crack the whip on him. Howard better watch out before he’s invited to Chicago to get the news on the Jerry Springer set about Sheldon having a “Spock in heat” moment with his girlfriend.

Penny and Leonard sleep in his bed. Penny wakes up to a diabolical laughter noise. Turns out it’s Leonard’s cellphone’s ringtone of The Joker. He won’t change it since he paid for it. He answers the phone and agrees to come down to a place. Penny asks what happened. Sheldon has escaped and is terrorizing the village. Leonard arrives at an arcade. The guard informs him that he didn’t call the cops because he understands the situation. His sister has a kid that’s special. The guard points Leonard toward the ball pit where Sheldon visualizing carbon atoms. He’s in a frenzy. He won’t get out. He plunges deep into the balls. Leonard wades in after him. Sheldon keeps popping up giving off Bazingas like Marco Polo. This is a simple piece of comedy that just works so well visually.

The Steve Holland who is a co-writer of this episode is not the Savage Steve Holland that made Better Off Dead. They are extremely two different people. Does The Big Bang’s Steve Holland gets Savage Steve Holland’s mail? Reader Jim Ricker attended a screening of Better Off Dead hosted by Savage Steve Holland. Diane Franklin was there and let fans try on her famous sports jacket from the movie. The big treat was when Jim met Curtis Armstrong. He hung with Booger from Revenge of the Nerds. Hopefully in the near future they’ll have Curtis Armstrong make a guest star role since he was the coolest of the Nerds. He should play an academic advisor.

Leonard and Penny sleep in her bed. Sheldon knocks on their headboard. The duo wake up screaming. There’s no lock capable of stopping him. Sheldon has good news. He figured out the answer. Not the answer to the problem, but the answer to getting to the answer. Penny lets Leonard know that she can’t handle his roommate. They’re breaking up. She lays back in the bed as Sheldon sits down on the mattress. The answer rests in how Albert Einstein worked a lame job at the patent office. He is going to get a menial job to allow part of his brain to be occupied while the other focuses on the big problem. The couple attempt to go back to bed. Sheldon tells Penny that she snores.

Sheldon is at the employment agency. His counselor is the voice of Lisa Simpson (Yeardley Smith). He wants a good non-thinking job like her position. She’s not thrilled at that compliment. He mentions a job of pyramid builder, but she doesn’t have a menial job like that. She offers him a construction job. Since he has no clue about sheet rock, the job is dropped. His lack of a car narrows his choices. She asks him about his last job. He talks about the string theory business. She asks for a second and walks away from her desk. She screams for security.

Penny takes an order from a table at the Cheese Cake Factory. As she backs up, Sheldon almost runs into her. He’s the new bus boy. He tells her that he figured the three best mind numbing jobs are toll booth operator, Apple Store Genius and what Penny does. Since he hates touching money and devaluing genius, he came to her work. She wonders how he got hired so fast. Turns out he doesn’t need to get paid so he just put on an apron and started clearing tables. He’s getting ideas already while scrapping plates clean. Penny corrects him that she’s a waitress and not a busboy. Sheldon agrees and hands her the dirty plates. He heads to a table to take their order.

When Andy Kaufman was making Taxi, he was working as a busboy at a diner. He didn’t need the money. He wanted to observe people. Sometimes you do want a rather dumb job so you can trick your brain into thinking. One summer I worked for the Census. Amazing how much thinking you can accomplish when you job is double checking if people were filling in circles properly. I have to disagree with Sheldon’s list of mindnumbing jobs. My three are Classic Rock Radio Programmer, Parking Mall Designer and Editor that selects the model for the cover of O: Oprah’s Magazine. There’s very little brain activity required to be a genius in those positions.

Sheldon serves Howard, Raj and Leonard. He gets quizzed by Leonard about his special order burrito. Raj wonder how long this can last. Leonard mentions a professor that melted down and became a mobile dog groomer. Howard offers to chip in on a van for Sheldon. However Sheldon is afraid of dogs so it just won’t work. Penny arrives at their table ready to take her order. But it’s too late. They’re dining. She’s upset since Sheldon doesn’t work there. A crash of plates is heard. Sheldon has dropped his tray. He stares at the mess on the floor and has an epiphany about the problem. He needs to look at it in terms of waves. He walks away out when Penny stops him. She wants him to clean up the mess. Sheldon points out that he doesn’t work there.

Howard and Raj roller skate to Murray Head’s “One Night in Bangkok. They are really too into being dazzling great as they make those disco hand moves and spin each other around. Raj is in bliss. Howard looks like he’s about to puke. He wants his woman.

The final scene is more footage of Sheldon giving the bazingas while swimming in the ball pit. Jim Parsons is having a ball getting to play Flipper in human form. This footage shall be mandatory on any tributes to the smartness of The Bang.

Once more they’ve given us a completely Sheldon-centric episode and it works both comically and intellectually. I’ve known people in genius schools who go to such extremes in order to find that moment that unifies their theory. Nothing sane matters to them in pursuit of their toad of truth. You can smell when they are deep into their thesis project. The first sacrifice of genius is soap. They will go days without sleep since they know in bed they’ll only be kept away with their brain in overdrive. You fear that one moment they let down their guard and the answer flies through their noggin and out the window.
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“Bozeman Reaction” has the geeks sitting down to eat at a Chinese restaurant. Howard is happy they can get out for a little guy time. Raj gets frustrated that Howard is secretly bragging that he has a girlfriend. Howard suggests Raj is jealous. The Indian replies that he’d kill a hobo for a steady woman. Sheldon is startled to see a changed menu. General Tso’s Chicken is no longer a specialty. It’s under chicken. What have they done to make it less special? They also list “Shrimp in Mobster Sauce.” Sheldon swears the sauce might have chunks of real mobsters. There’s plenty of buildings in New York city with mobsters as rebar. The guys decide to get a pizza. Howard points out there’s no chance of encountering mobsters at an Italian restaurant.

Leonard and Sheldon walk up the stairs to their apartment. Someday they’ll fix that elevator. Sheldon thinks the mobster sauce couldn’t have real mobsters since it was listed under seafood. Leonard suggests it could be possible if the mobsters were found sleeping with the fishes. Sheldon wants the conversation to be serious. Things do get serious when they see their front door has been busted open. They step inside to a disaster zone. The TV is gone and so are their laptops. Sheldon runs into his bedroom and announces it’s alright since they didn’t take his comic books.

Sheldon explains to the investigating officers all the stuff that’s been stolen from the apartment including about a dozen videogame consoles. Then he goes through dozens of computer games ending with Mrs. Pacman. The cop writes down “assorted videogames.” Sheldon wants to know when the CSI team will arrive. He’s bagged a soda can the thieves drank from. Leonard asks the cop if he can shoot Sheldon. The officer offers to have him institutionalized. Sheldon fears the criminals will use his laptop to publish his scientific work and grab the glory.

The duo sit on the sofa. Sheldon watches TV on his cellphone. They shall await the criminals to return and bludgeon them in their sleep. He still suspects Leonard.

They really did trash up the set to prove the place had been destroyed. Strange to think of crime coming to geek central. You’d figure they’d at least have some sort of security device on the door just to keep Howard from wandering inside. I once had a guy nearly break into my apartment. The guy smashed my bedroom window while I was napping. He didn’t get inside, but we called the cops. They didn’t even dust the window looking for prints. They filled out a report for insurance purposes. They didn’t break out the CSI effects which was rather depressing. Unless you’re robbed of donuts, they don’t do much investigating. Far as suspects go, I’m thinking this was Martha’s revenge for Sheldon avoiding her advances in “The Psychic Vortex.” She wanted to destroy the two things Sheldon loves: his laptop and Rock Band.

Sheldon wakes up in the middle of the night. He’s nervous. He checks the lock on his bedroom door. He then moves his drawers in front of the door. He gets back in bed and realizes he has to use the bathroom. He does his best to will his bladder into submission.

In Penny’s kitchen, she’s upset that she didn’t get to see the crooks. She’d beat them with an aluminum bat. Leonard is taken back at the intensity of his Nebraska girlfriend grips her equalizer. Sheldon bangs on her door and asks to be let inside. She opens the door and he scolds her for opening without knowing who is knocking since they had criminals. He then goes back to his apartment, but a few seconds later he bangs on her door again. He comes inside. He’s nervous. She asks if he wants to sleep in her place. He turns down the offer since Leonard and Penny couldn’t fit on the sofa. He can’t go back to his flat alone. He finds it scary over there.

Back at Geek Central, Sheldon plays Win Lose or Draw on the white board. Leonard sleeps while Penny is clueless to the answer. Sheldon explains how the clues include General Zod and a hydrogen atom. Penny begs to let them go to sleep. Sheldon says he’ll take the first shift until 4 a.m. Turns out that’s 45 minutes away. Sheldon sits on the sofa watching a scary movie on his cellphone. He calmly puts down the cellphone, walks into the hallway and frantically bangs on Leonard’s bedroom door while screaming their names.

The bedroom scene demonstrates why Jim Parsons is the best actor working in comedy today. He brings out the physical and the emotional comedy required in a solo performance. He just has a knack on playing the scene right. He’s got the timing of Don Knotts.

Howard installs a new lock that is mega secure. It has voice and fingerprint recognition. Sheldon keeps coming up with worst case scenarios including burglars cutting off his thumbs. What would happen then? Leonard swears he’ll give that mutilator thief a basket of muffins. Howard has obtained the security equipment from a military connection. Leonard is amazed that they’d let them use all the high tech toys. Turns out the military doesn’t know about Howard taking the stuff. They have a very slack security system. The alarm goes off. Penny is covered in a net. The guys aren’t impressed since it seems only good for catching crooked tuna. Howard promises it will be impressive when the net is electrified.

Sheldon sits in bed and writes in his journal like Rorschach in Watchmen. He can’t sleep. He’s haunted by the evil in Pasadena. He knows the criminal is playing Donkey Kong on his classic Nintendo. He hears a noise and goes to his bedroom door. He’s scared. He runs to his bedroom window and crawls onto the ledge. He has to use the bathroom, but he uses his will power to avoid the call of nature. Leonard and Penny are making out in the bed as Sheldon bangs on their window. Leonard lets him in. Turns out they made the noise when they knocked over the lamp in the heat of passion. Penny stops any intimate details being revealed. Sheldon almost climbs out the window, but Leonard insists he take the door. He heads into the living room and sets off the alarm. Penny and Leonard discover Sheldon trapped under the metal netting. It’s been electrified and his will power has failed his bladder.

Sheldon tests out his new laptop’s operating system. Windows 7 is much more user friendly than Windows Vista. He doesn’t like that. Sheldon looks for a new city using the internet. He’s leaving Pasadena forever since it’s crime ridden. Penny insists he can’t move or the mother ship won’t be able to find him. Sheldon thinks about Enid, Oklahoma, but it has no model train shops. Leonard and the department is excited that Sheldon will be tele-commuting. However the location is still up in the air since even Boone, NC has issues. He Xs out Nebraska since that’s where Penny is from.

Sheldon packs a suitcase in his room. He’s moving to Bozeman Montana. He’ll send pdfs to Leonard with instructions for packing up and shipping the rest of his room. Leonard asks if he should forward mail to the Bozeman Looney Bin. Sheldon says that wouldn’t be smart since that’s the name of the local comedy club.

In the living room, the gang are upset that the uber geek is fleeing the scene. He shouldn’t be rattled by the incident. Howard tells an inspirational tale about how his immigrant grandfather came to America and opened up a butcher shop. And any one that ordered a pound of liver was ripped off, but they didn’t complain about the crime and flee to their native country. Sheldon is already gone to Montana in his mind. He wants to call the people Bozeites. Penny says she’s going to miss him. Sheldon doesn’t want to long goodbyes or maudlin displays of emotion so he’s made a video. He presses play and lets his videotaped self do the talking. He addresses the foursome as three friends and one acquaintance. He points out that with the crime rate in Pasadena, odds are great that they will die before they meet again so Live Long and Prosper. Raj wants to know who is the acquaintance. Penny turns around and sees that Sheldon’s gone. It’s sad until the door opens and Sheldon pokes his head inside. He warns them to lock the door behind him. It is a dangerous neighborhood.

Is Sheldon really gone? Did we miss some nasty contract battle with Jim Parsons wanting Ted Danson money? Has he gone all John Travolta on the set? Is this turning out like Three’s Company with Sheldon calling from Montana at the end of each episode? How can this happen? Did he get David Caruso fever and wants to star in Judd Apatow flicks? Or is this just part of the show? Turns out that my town was circled as a prospective place for Sheldon to live. I could have had him as a neighbor. That’s a bullet worth dodging since whistling is appreciated around my house.

Sheldon arrives in Bozeman at the bus station. A local asks him if he can help him with his bags. The guy grabs the suitcases and runs out of the station. Sheldon runs after the guy, but returns empty handed. He walks up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to Pasadena.

Howard, Raj and Leonard eat Chinese food in the living room when the door opens. Sheldon steps inside. Howard says, “Look who’s back!” Sheldon notes that it’s interesting that the acquaintance is the first to greet him. Howard looks disappointed.

This was a very strong episode in handling a real fear. Southern California isn’t the safest place on the map. A pal recently had his Los Angeles apartment broken into and his laptop was stolen. What really stunk for him was they stole his back up harddrive. You take a precaution and the thief snags it all. If you ever want to see a film about a stolen laptops, get the DVD of Reel Paradise. It’s about John and Janet Pierson and their family’s adventures in Fiji. All their electronic stuff gets stolen by locals. They even try to hide the laptop in a secret space. The best thing you can ever do to prevent your computer from being stolen is a Post It reading “Fired Motherboard. Take Broken Laptop to Geek Squad.” Sometimes that works since the thieves can’t sell a busted computer.

Last week’s episode was unbalanced between the two stories. It’s a relief that the producers didn’t split the action for “Bozeman Reaction.” They made sure we didn’t wait for the action to cut back to the Sheldon story. The character dominates the show, but he elevates the other characters when they work off him. He’s not like the Fonz changing the attitude of Happy Days. He’s far from a solo act even though he’s great by himself. Sheldon keeps the series focused on the strange quirks that can accompany genius. The only downside of the episode was no real crossover with any of the characters from the various C.S.I.s. Couldn’t they have at least sent over a pair of Horatio Caine’s sunglasses to crack the case?

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But if you’re eager for tonight’s episode, so is CBS. They’ve been teasing all week with promos promising Sheldon in the role of wingman for Raj. How exactly does the Green Lantern’s lantern work into this strange world of cruising for the ladies? Does this really work? Will geeks be camping out overnight in hopes of getting their own lantern and ditching the Axe Bodyspray? The one thing that CBS won’t do is give us a special Big Bang after the Superbowl. They’re still insisting on boring us to death with the saccharine Undercover Boss. Do you think any of these CEOs are going to call their slacker employees on the carpet? Don’t expect any disguised boss to scream, “I made this process simple enough for a monkey with a tie to run it. But I guess we overestimated your chimp capacity!” This is a warm fuzzy infomercial for corporate chiefs to show off their hearts.

My only fear for the ratings of tonight’s episode is Charlie Sheen’s Christmas ugliness with his wife. Are people going to flip the channel to avoid the face that has been disgracing all the Entertainment Tonight special reports? Will they remember to turn back for The Bang? It could have been worse if CSI:Miami guest starred Tiger Woods.

“The Psychic Vortex” opens with Leonard and Howard spruced up for a double date with their girlfriends. They’re excited they have actual women for lovers. Sheldon wonders what other kind of women there are. That’s a question worthy of Howard’s expertise. Howard warns Leonard that there will be a lot of public displays of affection between him and Bernadette. Raj arrives. He’s excited because he has rented the 4 hour version of Watchmen on DVD. The guys have seen it. Leonard and Howard split for their big double date. Sheldon is excited that they’re not around. He’s got the exciting plan of backing up his hard drive. What’s Raj going to do? Sheldon suggests he look into several types of artificial women.

Raj checks a laptop to see what excitement is happening in the area. There’s a Zoot Suit night, but Sheldon won’t participate in a tribute to the Zoot Suit Riots. Raj does find a mixer for the science department. Raj wants to go out and he needs Sheldon’s help. The ubergeek explains he likes to visit the imaginary world of Flatland. He goes into a trance to enter the geometric shaped world. This is going to be a long night for Raj.

Watching Howard and Leonard getting ready for their dates is exciting. They’re growing up. They’re spending a night with a woman that isn’t Lara Croft. But you know it can’t get too cute cause American audiences didn’t tune into Coupling. Raj is upset that he’s losing his guys night at the apartment. Sheldon doesn’t care. I get the idea that at the end of the series, Sheldon will be sent to Mars since he won’t go nuts from the long trip. He’ll think he’s a circle in his imaginary world. He’s happy upgrading his hard drive which is something I had to do. I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember paying over $100 for a 1 GB Jaz Drive. The other day I had to replace my computer’s harddrive. It was $75 for 750 GBs. Shocking. Barely a decade ago, that much memory action would have cost $75,000. It’s cheaper to be a geek in the 21st Century.

In the car, Leonard asks Bernadette about the new restaurant, She’s excited for fine dining after a day of watching flesh eating bacteria. Penny thinks her acting career might be turning around after doing Anne Frank above a bowling alley. A psychic has told her that if she cuts her hair, she should get a national commercial. Leonard acts jerkish about her believing the psychic. Howard announces he’ll be making out with Bernadette instead of getting involved in the conversation.

In order to get Sheldon to the party, Raj gave him his limited edition Green Lantern lantern. Sheldon has brought it to the party which upsets Raj that his wingman is in full dork mode. Raj scouts the room looking for women. He instructs Sheldon that his job is to agree to everything he tells the ladies no matter how outlandish. However before Raj can work his magic, Abby (Danica McKellar) asks Sheldon about the lantern. Raj swoops into save her from the wingman. She asks about Raj’s Indian background. He jokes about Slumdog Millionaire being based on his life. Sheldon reminds his pal that his family didn’t live near a dump. Abby’s friend Martha (Jen Drohan) is also turned on by the lantern. Sheldon is the chick magnet with his conversation starter.

At the restaurant, things are tense around the table. Howard suggests the topic of why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard won’t back off it. There’s nastiness brewing. Penny won’t let him try her fish. Bernadette and Howard won’t jump into the conversation. It’s not the social event of the season.

Penny and Leonard walk up to their floor’s lobby. He goes toward her apartment, but she slams the door on him. He enters his apartment to find Raj, Sheldon and the two ladies playing Rock Band. Sheldon rejoices that they scored in his role of the wingman.

Recognize Danica McKellar? She was Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years. After six seasons of teasing Kevin Arnold, she’s ready to please Raj. Besides being a child star, she’s a certified math nerd with a BS from UCLA. She’s co-written a paper published in the “Journal of Physics.” If they ever want to do a geeky Laverne and Shirley spin-off, Danica needs a phone call. She’s the type of woman who might be attracted to a realistic Green Lantern lantern in real life.

Why has Leonard become such an utter jerk now that he has his dream woman? He knows Penny has goofy dreams and beliefs. She’s an actress. I went to a major art school and women in the drama program were dramatic along with some of the men. Deal with their idiosyncrasies or end up dumped. During the drive and dinner, Leonard doesn’t even come close to couching his disdain of psychics. A new haircut might help Penny land a commercial gig. Not every snip ends up a disaster like what happened on Felicity. These people live in Southern California – the home of the flakes. He needs to get used to such quirks or suffer the consequences.

In Leonard’s lab, Howard enters looking good. He made it to 8th base with his woman. Leonard uses his laser to destroy a cylon action figure. He’s not sure about his relationship with Penny. Leonard can’t go out with a woman who believes in psychics. Howard went out with a girl who swore she was abducted by aliens. He saw it as a good thing since it proves she’s gullible and likes being probed. Leonard is still not bending. Howard draws intersecting circles on the white board to show the small pool of woman available to Leonard. The geek doesn’t have much room to find his type of women that would want him. Howard uses the marker to draw a line on Leonard’s hand. This represents Leonard’s next girlfriend if he can’t deal with Penny.

Sheldon sits on the sofa learning Finnish from a book. Raj enters the apartment. Abby and Martha have texted Raj. They want to hang out with them. Sheldon doesn’t want to see them since he’s already moved on. He’s learning Finnish while his hard drive updates. Raj needs Sheldon to hang out with Martha. He swears there’s nothing to can change his opinion. Raj pulls out his Incredible Hulk smashing hands signed by Stan Lee. Sheldon slides them on and does a great Hulk impersonation. Bring on the ladies.

Down in the laundry room, Penny ignores Leonard while he tells her nerdy facts about dryer lint. She’s not impressed since her boyfriend proved more annoying than Howard. She wants him to see her psychic. He won’t, but promises to not comment on her various mystical beliefs. She believes in everything, but crystals. They seem to patch things up.

Back up in the apartment, Martha talks to Sheldon about Flatland. He seems amused at her insights. He still has on his Hulk hands. On the other sofa Raj is lip locked with Abby. Sheldon looks at his watch and declares it’s bedtime. Martha is up for joining him. But Hulk must sleep alone. She’s stunned as Sheldon stomps away.

Martha knocks on Sheldon’s bedroom door. He answers with the Green Lantern lantern as his nightlight. She wants to hang out in his bedroom while Raj and Abby are busy. He agrees. She sits on his bed. He declares he’ll sleep in Leonard’s room. Down the hallway he goes with the green glow leading the way.

This was an uneven episode. Sheldon’s “Wingman” story was hilarious. His inadvertent flirting with women was sound. He got Raj more action than Howard could ever provide. “The Double Date” fell short simply because it didn’t push the tale. Why didn’t they visit her psychic? It just resolved itself in the laundry room without that extra oomph. At this moment, the romance between Leonard and Penny doesn’t dazzle. He’s too cynical and bitter around her. He’s as jerkish as her earlier boyfriends. Sheldon had more chemistry with Martha. The writers really need to figure out why Penny is putting up with Leonard as a lover. Their scenes are about as perfunctory as David Spade’s solo moments in Rules of Engagement.

The strange romance between Sheldon and Martha played out just right. She was ready to pounce him, but he used his super human ability to be oblivious to human nature. If any woman is ever gets to 8th base with him, she’s going to have to use George Reeves’ original Superman cape. His libido can only be unleashed with nerdy bribes.

Good news as far as the ratings go. America loves a troubled Charlie Sheen. Two and a Half Men’s ratings went up and so did The Big Bang Theory. The Bang’s overnight had nearly 16 million viewers and the highest number of viewers between 18-49. Charlie Sheen isn’t dragging down the geeks.
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The gambit paid off. Instead of viewers begging to save the show, the shift allowed The Big Bang Theory to become a ratings monster. On many nights, the series dominated the key demographic numbers. People weren’t playing Wii between Charlie Sheen and David Caruso. They stuck around while others hit the clicker at 9:30 for the Bang. They wanted to share in the Sheldon lovefest.

The first 11 episodes this season kept the geek fun going at a high pace. Even with the prized time slot, the scripts hadn’t compromised its smart jokes to appeal to the folks that chuckle at Charlie Sheen’s bedroom burlesque. They didn’t load up on the funny from She’s the Sheriff. There’s enough science terms dropped to make you hit the internet to get true definitions. It hasn’t betrayed its geekiness in the discovery of ratings gold.

The season no longer teased Leonard (Johnny Galecki) with Penny (Kaley Cuoco) with just being friends. They’ve been dating since the geeks return from their North Pole experiment. What’s become quickly obvious is the real relationship chemistry exists between Penny and Sheldon (Jim Parsons). They are the true beauty and the geek. Leonard is almost human compared to the part Vulcan Sheldon. The struggle to find a common language and emotions between Penny and Sheldon are comic highlights of each episode. You forget that she’s supposed to be dating Leonard during these moments. Raj (Kunal Nayyar) and Howard (Simon Helberg) act as like a closest couple although Howard finally has a girlfriend. He no longer has to imagine himself bathing with Katee Sackhoff.

The big highlight of the season is finally getting a real rival for Sheldon in the form of Wil Wheaton. He was even more evil than Kripke (John Ross Bowie). The co-worker is merely an irritant. Wheaton is a soul destroyer in “The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary.” In the future, Wheaton will be the guest of honor at Big Bang Theory conventions.

The biggest disappointment of the season is CBS not giving the show the coveted slot after this year’s Super Bowl. Instead they want us to suffer through a pathetic infomercial called Undercover Boss. CEOs pose as normal workers in their company and reward their employees. Wasn’t this an episode of Family Affair? After a bruising game of football, America really needed a little geek goofiness to remind us that you can also go to college to do more than learn the nickel defense. We don’t need a puff piece about millionaire CEOs toiling for a couple hours with the minimum wagers while being followed with a camera crew.

If there’s any predictions for the second half of the season, it will be the return of Wil Wheaton to torment Sheldon. He’s too good to be a one time guest star. Expect plenty of guest roles from other sci-fi and science icons. A member of The Wonder Years appears in an upcoming episode. I’d put my money on a Leonard Nimoy spotting. The nicest prediction is that Bang fans will be able to enjoy the remainder of the season without having to flood the network with pop rocks and Chinese food to save the show. They won’t have to be like fans of Chuck and Dollhouse with online petitions. Unlike Sheldon’s beloved Star Trek, The Big Bang Theory will be going into a fourth season with full thrusters. The move didn’t jeopardize their mission.

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“The Maternal Congruence” wraps Penny around Leonard as they watch Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas with Sheldon. The couple are mushy while Sheldon is perplexed at Chuck Jones’ animated classic. He relates to the Grinch except when the character sells out at the end and saves Christmas. Leonard tells Penny that Sheldon roots for the sun against Frosty the Snowman. Sheldon explains how important the sun is when compared the snowman. It’s a realistic argument. Why hasn’t Frosty been put on trial for his crimes?

There’s a lot of ads tonight. This is the fate of the hottest sitcom on TV. This is the best way to let people know what gift to get that special geek in their life. Although you might want to consider the new Blu-Ray of How the Grinch Stole Christmas available at Amazon.com. The high def mastering makes the snow bright white. Don’t confuse the animated masterpiece with Ron Howard’s disaster. A pal of mine used to have a lawn ornament of the Grinch beating Santa with a giant candy cane. His neighbors called the police claiming the yard art was destroying the spirit of Christmas. He didn’t get busted, but eventually someone stole his Grinch.

Penny decorates the tree in Leonard’s apartment. He explains his family didn’t have a tree. His family spent the day reviewing each other’s scholarly work. Sheldon’s house was covered in blinking lights – enough to cause neighbors to have seizures. He doesn’t want to help decorate except adding a bust of Sir Isaac Newton to the tree. He points out that Newton’s birthday was really on Christmas whereas Jesus was born in the summer. The church moved it to the pagan holiday. They won’t let him put Newton on top of the tree. The big Christmas surprise is Leonard’s mom is coming into town. Penny’s nervous about what the mom thinks of her dating Leonard. Why wouldn’t she approve of her? “I’m adorable,” she confirms to herself. Turns out Leonard has never told her they’re going out. Things are going to be uber-awkward.

In the car, Sheldon sits in the back with Leonard’s mom (Christine Baranski). She’s happy Sheldon picked her up at the airport, She ignores her own son. Turns out Sheldon has been critiquing the mother’s papers, iChatting with her and sending her flowers after her surgery. Leonard is clueless to all of this. Sheldon is her new son. She talks about her daughter’s upcoming nuptials. She asks if Leonard is seeing anyone. He dodges the question.

At the apartment, they sit around having dinner. Mother asks if Raj and Howard have consummated their latent homosexual feelings for each other. Howard declares he has a girlfriend, but she’s out of town at a grandfather’s funeral. Mother doesn’t buy it. Raj whispers and Howard gets flustered cause that just doesn’t look good. Penny arrives and mom tears into her about her issues with her dad. He still wants her to be a boy. Mom drops the bomb that she’s leaving her husband after catching him cheating on her with a cafeteria waitress. Leonard is in shock. Sheldon already knows all the details. They also tell Leonard that his dog died. Sheldon was part of the deciding factor. Leonard is confused at how little he knows and storms off. Mom asks Penny what’s new in her life and she says, “Nothing.”

Why Leonard would hide the fact that he’s dating Penny from his mom? It’s kinda like Schrödinger’s Cat. As long as people don’t know what’s in the box, you can consider yourself a cat owner. But once you say there’s a cat in the box, people want you to open it up and let them see it. Do you really want them to know if you’re carrying around a dead cat in that box? Nothing cursed relationships faster for me than informing my parents. There was a nasty streak of telling mom that she might have to set an extra plate for dinner and the end of the affair. It was like telling a pitcher that they’ve got a no hitter going. You just don’t do it until they can be carried off the mound. My wife and I dated for three months before her identity as my girlfriend leaked out to my parents. Even though I had moved all my DVDs into her place, my folks thought I was 100 miles away. Leonard’s actions are completely understandable and admirable. Also remember that when you have to declare that you are dating someone, make sure they are in the immediate area. Nobody believes you have a girlfriend in Canada that loves riding your moped that’s kept at grandma’s house. Although it was sad that nobody wanted to tell Leonard that his dog had died. But like Schrödinger’s Cat, as long as long as nobody told him, Leonard had a live dog back home.

Penny drives the mom back to the hotel. Mom didn’t want Leonard to drive her since he seemed rather unstable. She notices the “check engine” light being on. Penny wants to cover it with tape. Penny asks about the divorce, but mom is more fearful about the clunky car. Mom admits she didn’t have sex with her husband for 8 years. She’s been responsible for her own orgasm for a long time. Penny wants to get a drink. Mom doesn’t drink, but Penny promises to teach her.

Leonard looks pathetic curled up in his bed. Sheldon taps on his door. He points out that he’s made tea. Leonard doesn’t want tea, but Sheldon never made it for him in the first place. He just needed a conversation starter. Sheldon comforts him by pointing out a German word for the feeling of comparing your real world with the ideal world. This is what Leonard is really suffering from. Why must he be such a caring pal in his weird way? Sheldon explains that he’s now the roomie’s surrogate family.

Penny and mom do tequila shots at a bar. Mom has never had the hard stuff. She’s losing her inhibitions fast. She’s gone from a robomom to a Bad Girls Club contestant. She wants a busboy to hump her. Penny declares she’s sleeping with Leonard. Mom wants to know how her son’s penis turned out. Penny doesn’t want to go there. Mom wants to know if he’s hiding the relationship because he’s ashamed of Penny or frightened of telling things to her. Penny calls a taxi while mom attempts to molest the busboy.

The drunk girls barge into the apartment and wake up Leonard. The drunk mom wants to know about him and Penny. He wants to know why she didn’t tell him of the divorce, her surgery or his dead dog. She gives him a drunken hug. She gets a warm feeling in her heart. Did it grow like the Grinch’s heart? Penny declares its the Del Taco. Sheldon walks into the drunken mess. She grabs Sheldon and gives him a hard kiss. Sheldon has a startled look on his face. She’d rather have the bus boy.

Wow. Just wow. Poor Sheldon has his chance to score with his dream woman and fails. Although to Sheldon, she’s not a MILF. She’s the MILAM – Mother I’d Like to Adopt Me. He’s not trapped in an early ‘80s film about sleeping with your roommate’s mom. She was drunk and wasn’t looking for a partner that needs an education. She’s looking for a man that can move and groove with her lubricated state of mind. The important message of this scene is to always call a cab if you’re tipsy. No matter how much your fare costs; it’s a bargain compared to legal fees, court fines and the chance of killing someone on the road.

Everyone is in the car. Mom is wearing her sunglasses. She’s so hungover. She begs Sheldon’s apology. Sheldon blames Penny for mom’s drunken weirdness. Penny blames Penny. The good news is she approves of Penny dating Leonard even if she doesn’t have much career prospects. Her big warning to him is to not make Penny responsible for her own orgasms. Penny sings “Deck the halls” to make the mood more Christmas like.

“The Maternal Congruence” is a brilliant Christmas special cause they avoid the usual holiday sitcom script that borrows from O. Henry’s “The Gift of the Magi.” There’s no sacrificing for the sake of buying the ultimate gift. There’s very little “real story of Christmas” theme. Even with the Grinch bookend, they don’t exactly pay homage to Dr. Seuss’s plot structure. There’s no Mary Lou Who to be heartbroken. This episode is about the emotional nightmare of Christmas with drunk relatives that invade your personal space. This is a true fear of millions of people. Tequila should be registered as a drug and not merely liquor. There probably numerous horror stories involving me and Pepe Lopez. Luckily I can’t remember any of them with exception of stumbling home.

News just arrived that the Golden Globes didn’t think Jim Parsons or the show was worthy of their Best Comedy nominees. What exactly are these foreign press people watching? Hung? Is that really a comedy? And this season of Californication was rather depressing. How dare these foreign press people come to our country and not pay tribute to Jim Parsons.


The next new episode isn’t scheduled until January 11th. So have a festive Festivus.
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“The Gorilla Experiment” opens with the gang in the apartment preparing to eat their take out feast. Penny tosses food in the air and eats it. Sheldon is irritated at this trick because she’s messing with his ability to divide up the food. That’s how famines start, he declares. Howard shows up with Bernadette in tow. He constantly repeats, “My girlfriend Bernadette.” He asks if his girlfriend Bernadette can join them for dinner. Sheldon is upset since they did not plan on her. They ordered for five not six. She almost sits on Sheldon’s spot on the sofa. She doesn’t understand why it matters. Penny explains the succinct reasons why Sheldon wants that spot. He looks on rather pleased. “Perhaps there’s hope for you after all,” he declares.

There’s just such an annoying quality to someone showing off their new girlfriend. That needy “look we’re a couple” pronouncements. As if People is eager to splice their names together like Beniffer and Brangelina. It’s like in the NFL when wide receivers would group up in the endzone to do touchdown dance routines. Act like you’ve been there. Or in this case, act like you’ve been married for a decade. Of course your attitude towards these sort of people completely changes when you finally get into a nice relationship. Then nothing you do around friends seems annoying cause you’re in love! Although it is always better if she tells people that you’re in a relationship since it sounds stalkerific.

Here’s a rather long ad for Avatar. I sense this film is going to do more Sphere than Titanic action. Maybe it will revolutionize film, but it looks more like a videogame than an emotional journey. Will you earn credits during the film?

Back at the dinner, Penny and Bernadette gab about their shoes. Sheldon says, “My mom was right. Hell is real.” Howard tells his pal to let the womenfolk chat. Penny is upset. Bernadette tells her to pay no attention. She laughs at his dork moments off and it makes Howard happy. Penny realizes this is the perfect woman for Howard. Bernadette talks to Leonard about his project. She understands part of it. They wander off to talk shop. Sheldon asks Howard about his shoes. Howard starts to answer before Sheldon interrupts with “Bazinga! I don’t care.”

Raj and Sheldon play Mario Cart on the Wii. Raj tells him he can’t drive in reality or on computers. Penny barges in. She wants to talk to him. He will as long as it’s not about shoes. Penny wants him to teach her a little physics. Her exposure class wise was the ones with the frogs. She dissected it. He’s not too impressed until she beg him to treat it as an experiment. He relates it to teaching Coco the gorilla sign language. She accepts the role although he thinks she’s not up to the gorilla since it learned 2,000 words.

Bernadette’s “laugh at whatever he thinks is funny” logic is the sign of a true relationship blossoming. They won’t interrupt what you’re saying even if they haven’t a clue what words are coming out of your mouth. They just like hearing you talk to them. This is not the same as them ignoring your words as they text message with their next conquest. They don’t want you to explain everything since they figure in the future it’ll all make sense and they’ll laugh upon remembering these past lines.

Over the weekend I found myself playing Rayman Raving Rabbids 2 on the wii. You shake your controller fast to bubble up a soda, a weird animals drinks and burp off the Arc de Triomphe. Their gas attack causes total destruction of a Paris neighborhood. What an amazing Wii game. It’s more fun than Mario Kart. Sheldon is in top form this episode. His Bazinga still cuts. Is this catching on amongst folks at work and school? Has anyone been the victim of a Bazinga? There’s also a strange date swapping vibe happening. Sheldon will be alone with Penny and Leonard is bonding with Bernadette. Sure Howard has the new girlfriend, but he’s looking like he’ll be stuck on the sofa with Raj.

At the lunchroom, Howard points out to everyone that he’s with his “girlfriend Bernadette.” They sit down with Leonard. She asks about his experiment. He invites her to see it in action tomorrow. She accepts. After a taste of her frozen yogurt, she determines it’s fatty fat fat yogurt and not non-fat. She goes off to return it. When out of range, Howard goes nuts on Leonard for getting too chummy with his girlfriend. He does not appreciate his using the come see my lab line. That’s his best move. It’s getting territorial in the land of the geeks.

Sheldon types a research journal on teaching Penny physics into his computer. He’s calling it “Project Gorilla.” She arrives and sits down on the sofa. There’s a white board. Sheldon is upset cause she has no notebook. There will be tests so she needs to take down his words. He gives her a college ruled notebook and hope it doesn’t intimidate her. He starts off with the Greek origins of Physika. She’s stunned by the depth of the lecture subject. He keeps reminding her to take notes. He’s going to cover 2,600 years all the way to the Dutch guys Leonard is ripping off for his experiment. She has to take a potty break to make it through all those centuries. Sheldon returns to the computer and enters into the journal that he’s exhausted.

Howard makes out with Bernadette in his bed. He struggles with the back of her bra. She finally tells him it hooks in the front. Before the goodness can happen, Howard’s mom arrives. We just hear her shriek from the other room. Her workout class was canceled. He begs her to make him lamb stew. She has to go to the supermarket, but she’ll do it for her boy. He gets back to business on Bernadette. They’re interrupted by her cellphone getting a text message. Leonard has written that she might not want to come to his lab since it weirded out Howard. They argue about why Howard doesn’t want her hanging out with Leonard. He gets cornered into admitted Leonard needs to ask him first about such things involving her. There’s a turn off in the control aspect. She runs out of the house. He’s in near tears at being stuck eating lamb stew with his mother.

There’s an unwritten rule that you always invite both parties of a couple to any activity. Even if you know that one of them has no interest, they receive the courtesy of attending as a couple. It’s just safer that way. Cause at some point, it will look like you’re attempting to separate and conquer one of them. Leonard being a clueless guy probably didn’t realize he was going for the “Surf City” two girls for every boy dream. Of course he’s also rather clueless that Penny is spending more time with Sheldon than him. Sheldon is going to have one of those Spock goes into heat moments when she’s around. She’s not going to be able to resist.

Sheldon has covered the white board with formulas. He’s in a hyperdrive of history and concepts. Penny’s blinded by science. Her mouth is open. She can’t answer the question about Newton. She wonders if he invented Fig Newtons. Sheldon explains it’s from Newton, Massachusetts. She writes that fact down. She wants to understand, but he’s going to fast. Can he go back? He starts with the Greek opening again. She starts crying because she’s stupid. Sheldon thinks she should only cry when she’s sad. He cries when he’s sad that people are stupid. She just wants to know what Leonard does. He explains it simply.

Howard storms into Leonard’s office. He’s furious at being text blocked. They argue about him. Bernadette arrives hoping she’s not too late. She’s amazed to find Howard there since he called Leonard’s experiment as being stupid. Howard says he just repeated what Sheldon called it. Howard attempts to apologize to Bernadette and Leonard throws in cracks on his pal’s plea. He begs for another chance. She asks Leonard if she should give him another chance. Leonard doesn’t care. She does want him back. She refers to Howard as “Tushy Face” like his mom does. Leonard immediately puts that nickname on Facebook.

The six eat take out in the apartment. Bernadette tell Raj how cool Leonard’s experiment looked. Leonard says not everyone is interested in his experiment. Penny says she is. She gives a technical review of her boyfriend’s experiment. She mentions the Dutch version. Everyone is stunned at her words while Sheldon beams proudly at his student. She follows it up by giving the origins of Fig Newtons.

For the last few weeks I’ve been working my way through all the episodes of Taxi on the season sets. Tonight’s episode of Bang had the quality of the finest Taxi episodes. The situations and the lines struck their targets. The relationships were wonderfully tangled with the jealous moments adding spice. Sheldon once more killed while using his “happy face” on Penny. Not a wasted moment in the 30 minutes. Sheldon was able to come out the complete winner instead of his genius backfiring.

The overnight ratings have “Gorilla Experiment” as the most watched episode of The Big Bang Theory yet. The show is on a creative and ratings roll.
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“The Vengeance Formulation” opens with Howard and Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) walking up to her apartment entrance. They first met on “Creepy Candy Coating Corollary.” Howard finishes a joke. She doesn’t get it, but doesn’t care as long as Howard thinks it’s funny. She asks where he thinks this is going. He suggests second base. She points out that this is their third date and that means sex. She wants to know if he’s looking for a relationship or a one night stand. He ponders if there’s only one correct answer. He can’t answer other than saying sometimes a one night stand turn into a relationship. She kisses him on the cheek and tells him to call her when he figures it out. Howard returns to Leonard’s apartment. Leonard is on the sofa with Penny eating popcorn and watching TV. They wonder why he’s home already. Howard is still confused over the third date equalling sex.

The third date might not always equal sex, but it does represent the line where you are dating or turning into a new furniture moving pal. There is no worse moment than that sad realization that you’ll hear the “sex will ruin our friendship” talk. The sad part is that eventually your friendship is going to be ruined. One of you will get into a serious relationship and your partner won’t enjoy you having an opposite sex friend that you once wanted to seduce. So why not ruin it with sex? At least you’ll have a great excuse why it all went bad instead of thinking that at any moment that person will call up and beg for a night of passion from you.

Back at the lunchroom, Howard brings up the third date equalling sex. None of the guys know about it. Leonard swears it took two years before hooking up with Penny, but it was three dates. So it might be true. Sheldon approaches with excited with major news to share. Barry Kripke (John Ross Bowie) scoops the moment by announcing Sheldon is going to be on NPR radio with Ira Flatow. Sheldon is upset that his surprise has been ruined. Barry wants to know why NPR is scrapping the bottom of the barrel for guests. Sheldon swears it’s a pledge week booster. His mother and her prayer group will listen and then prayer for his soul.

Back at the apartment, Sheldon goes through his notes. He wants to know if the simple man can understand his speaking points. He hands them to Howard. Howard protests since he has a Masters from MIT. He’s still the dumb guy in the room. Penny shows up and demands Raj talk to her. His mouth is open and nothing comes out. She’s just giving him the business. Penny wants to know why Howard hasn’t talked to Bernadette? He comes up with excuses that he expects a fantasy woman like Megan Fox or Katee Sackhoff. He doesn’t want to settle like Penny has. Leonard gets upset as she talks of not really settling. Howard wants to know why he can’t he long for inner beauty wrapped in the carmel deliciousness of Halle Barry. Raj whispers in Howard’s ear. His friend reassures him that Raj is also wrapped in carmel deliciousness. Sheldon agrees there’s nothing wrong with Howard’s approach although it might not be good for humanity.

In a storage room Kripkie listens to the radio and adjusts the valve on a canister of helium. There’s a pipe behind a bookcase in Sheldon’s office. He’s on the phone with Ira. Sheldon’s voice goes up in pitch as the office fills with helium. In the lunch room, Kripke holds up the radio while everyone laughs at Sheldon’s rising cartoon voice.

How mean of Kripkie. Here’s a guy who on his off hours is shopping for insurance with that perky online lady. Now he must destroy Sheldon’s moment with helium. He’s worse than Wil Wheaton. Maybe the finale is going to have Kripkie and Wheaton team up to bring Sheldon to his knees? While Leonard and Penny seemed to be rather sedate in most of the episode, having her talk about settling has brought a little anxious fear in the geek love.

Bring on Katee and the bubble bath!

Howard is in the bubble bath with Katee. He’s thrilled to see her. She’s announces that it’s always nice to be part of his masturbatory fantasies. She wants to know why he’s playing make believe with her when he could be with a real woman. She’s talking reality to the boy. He does his best to keep things going with the sparkling sci-fi superstar even if she wants him to hook up with Bernadette instead of using a wash cloth. The fantasy is ruined when Howard’s mom screeches too much information about sharing the tub.

Damn it. Why was Katee merely a fantasy? Oh well. It’s good to see her since she had to bail on Nip/Tuck this season. She’s going to be on the new season of 24. She should have been cast as the Face on the A-Team movie. Why not let her get a career replacing Dirk Benedict in his signature roles?

Sheldon lays in the bed looking upset. Raj and Leonard enter. They want to help him, but first Raj announces that he represents the Lollipop Guild. He’s giving him the business with the squeaky voice action. Leonard tries cheer him up, but admits he did laugh during the prank. But now they want to help him. Raj has come to mock. Leonard suggests Sheldon gets revenge. They talk of the Joker escaping Arkham Asylum and poisoning the water supply. Sheldon suggest poisoning Kripke. It’s too extreme. He thinks of a whoopie cushion. They need to find a happy medium.

At the Cheesecake Factory, Howard begs Penny to talk to Bernadette. She won’t. When Bernadette enters, Howard gets on his knee and asks her to marry him. She thinks its comedy she can’t understand. But he really means it. He can’t find someone like her. She’s the one. She isn’t sure since they haven’t even had sex. “When’s your break?” he asks. She walks off. He looks around the room and announces, “Don’t you just hate when that happens?”

Sheldon mixes up chemicals in the kitchen. He’s Breaking Bad. He’s got an evil plan that involves foamy vengeance. It will be unleashed in Kripke’s lab. He’s already planted the chemicals in the ceiling. Raj calls Sheldon a young Lex Luther. Leonard is impressed. He sits down and gets the whoopee cushion. In the monitor they see Kripke enter, but he’s not alone. There’s school bigwigs with him. Sheldon doesn’t have an abort switch on his project. The foam covers the room. Leonard feels semi-safe since they won’t be able to trace it to them. In the lab, a TV comes and plays video of Sheldon announcing this is his revenge. He also names Leonard and Raj as his helpers. Raj turns to the duo and says, “I’m going back to India, what’s your plan?”

Always have an abort switch on your diabolical plans. You never know when something will go completely wrong. A good hitman understands the escape route and when it’s not the right time to pull the trigger. At least the good ones in movies about hitmen. But since this is a sitcom, trouble must ensue from brilliant plans. Otherwise what would be the entire point of I Love Lucy. In the sitcom universe you commit to the plan.

Back at the Cheesecake factory Penny and Bernadette are working. Penny offers to have Howard thrown out of the restaurant since he’s fooling around with a microphone on the band stage. He dedicates a song to her and sings about Bernadette and how he’s sorry. He begs for one more chance. Penny is so sorry. Bernadette finds it the most romantic things anyone has ever done for her.

I’m wondering if the series is getting a kickback from the Cheesecake Factory since it’s obvious this set doesn’t look like a Cheesecake Factory. They don’t even have menus that are as thick as the phone book. You don’t even see that much cheesecake on the tables. They’re not even dressed liked the waitresses I’ve had various Cheesecake Factories. This looks more like a Ruby Tuesdays.

Howard’s plea to getting her back is that gambit that sometimes works. Remember that when in doubt about a relationship: if you know you’ve been a dork, admit to it. Most women appreciate such sweet honesty. Remember to keep such a confession short without any real details that might derail the moment.

“The Vengeance Formulation” was a satisfying meal of an episode with both stories pushing Howard and Sheldon into desperate moments. Raj gets to show a little backbone by ragging on Sheldon. The domesticated Sheldon is kept to a minimum as the support character in both stories. This was an episode worthy of the extra hype even if Katee was merely a bathtub fantasy.

Next week is a rerun of “The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation” that opened the season.
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“Adhesive Duck Deficiency” reveals Leonard, Raj and Howard camping in the desert. It’s night time. They’re setting up a telescope for the meteor shower. Howard uses the computer to tap into HBO’s West Coast feed. It’s Real Sex. Raj is not impressed since it’s always the episode of an old woman putting condoms on fruit. They flip the East Coast feed to watch Dune. After staring at the desert shot, Howard switches back to Real Sex. They joke about how they wish Sheldon had come out with them.


Sheldon is alone in the apartment. He dictates into his cellphone a Captain Kirk-esque log about how he’s working on a paper on massive string strengths. He notes his pals camping out and claims to miss the warmth of human companionship. He cracks himself up.

While people declare Scorsese, Spielberg or Tarantino as the most influential American director, I say hogwash. The most influential director is Patti Kaplan. There are tons of people who after watching a segment of Real Sex say, “I’d like to try that out.” She also directs Cathouse. There are thousands of people influenced by that HBO series to drop by the Bunny Ranch outside Carson City, Nevada. Her work isn’t about recreating a cinematic moment, but living the dream. Her show was the inspiration for Lars and the Real Girl. Patti Kaplan should get a Nobel Prize for her explorations into the kinky side of life. She’s responsible for launching a lot fetish folks on the internet.

Sheldon calls up the Chinese restaurant and demands they cut various orders in half and quarters since the other guys aren’t around. They won’t do it. He mentions he took down a muffin store with his online comments. They could be next. He hangs up when Penny screams loud enough to be heard from her apartment. After knocking on every door in Penny’s apartment, he finds her laying in the tub. She’s slipped while showering and might have dislocated her arm. He gives her a talk about the importance of sticky ducks on the tub to keep from slipping. She begs him to help her up and take her to the hospital. He’s still got an issue with driving. She doesn’t want to wait on an ambulance. She needs his help.

Leonard wishes Penny had come out with them. Raj seems so thrilled at the prospect of Leonard and Penny getting frisky in the tent while Howard humps a cactus. Besides numerous scientists camped around them, Howard has found two middle aged teachers that might be up for a frisky romp. Leonard wonders if his friends are so hard up they’ll hook up with women in their 50s going through menopause? They are. The nice teachers gave Howard some cookies to eat while waiting for the meteor shower. They munch away. Howard mentions the nice ladies were driving a VW Microbus and wearing Grateful Dead t-shirts. Can we guess what makes the cookies so tasty?

Sheldon can’t figure out which panties Pennyy needs to wear since her draw is unorganized. She just wants shorts and a top. He insists she wear clean underwear since you never know when you’ll have an accident. As if she hasn’t already had an accident. She’s getting impatient as the pain grows. He has to help her get dressed without looking. He discusses the history of men who had to not look at a naked woman while he keeps his eyes shut. While getting her hand into a sleeve, he grabs the wrong body part. He carefully lets go.

Howard, Raj and Leonard are stoned and staring up at the stars. They can feel the earth is moving too fast. He needs Raj to slow it down. He squishes his eyes and grits his teeth. Leonard things its slowed down. Raj laughs at Leonard’s stupid American accent.

This episode is proving my belief that Sheldon and Penny are a much more entertaining couple than Leonard and Penny. Sheldon has that alien quality that makes him not turn into complete lapdog like Leonard.There’s so much more to play between the ubergeek and the waitress. Leonard merely an annoying boyfriend when they’re together. The look on Sheldon’s face when he grabs her breast doesn’t resemble the hero of a Cinemax After Dark epic from the ‘80s.

Sheldon and Penny are in her battered car. He warns her that this is his first time driving a real car after hours in a simulator. He must optimize the mirrors. He can’t find the passenger size mirror cause it’s in a parking lot in Hollywood. He proceeds to adjust his seat while Penny winces in pain. This isn’t going to be a quick trip.

Howard, Raj and Leonard are now laying on giant rocks. Raj talks of ruling a kingdom of rabbits. Leonard hates his name cause it has nerd in it. He wishes he was an Angelo. Howard confesses he lost his virginity to his cousin. They are so stoned.

Sheldon is bent over the steering wheel going slow. He panics over the noises and check engine light. She tells him, “Warp speed, Mr. Spock.” He corrects her that Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. During a stop, Sheldon asks why she has the Chinese character for soup on her rump. She swears its for “courage.” She gets a bit upset knowing Sheldon peeked. But he never promised he could keep his eyes shut the whole time. Even mythical heroes can’t do it.

Howard, Raj and Leonard dig through the cooler looking for food. They have an extreme case of the munchies. They are out of food. They contemplate even eating the blue ice stuff. This might end up being a Donner Party tribute.

Sheldon’s first crack at driving was covered in “Euclid Alternative” when he destroyed the simulator. Now they one up it with him behind the wheel of Penny’s heap. Nice to see that they are building upon episodes. Now it’s time for my PSA for the night: There is a vicious circle to pot laced baked goods. You eat them, get a little stoned, get the munchies, eat more pot laced baked goods, get more stoned, get bigger munchies and the circle grows and grows until you get “motion sensitive.” And the vicious cycle grows because you swear you’ll feel better if you can puke. Trouble is pot is anti-nausea drug. Another vicious circle has claimed your body. Those cookies seem sugary sweet, but they are wicked. Be careful accepting gingerbread men from Phish phreaks at Festivus parties.

At the emergency room Sheldon asks Penny questions from the hospital’s admissionn form. He lists the cause of accident “lack of adhesive ducks.” She gets upset when he asks about when her next menstrual cycle is. She won’t answer. He decides its in progress. He goes his own for the psychiatric answers. She begs him to be comforting. He is so out of his universe pointing out that “everything is going to be fine. Sheldon is here.”

Howard, Raj and Leonard have gone primitive. There faces are covered in dirt. Their shirts are over their head. They plot attacking a Boy Scout camp. Before they get busted for breaking and entering, Howard discovers his mom put a brisket in his backpack. They eat the meat like zombies gorging on brains and ignore the meteor shower.

Sheldon brings Penny home. He reminds her that she’s on powerful painkillers so no operating of heavy machinery and don’t choke on your drool. She begs him to take her to bed. She laughs at the notion of him really taking her to bed. She rambles about him being a machine. She compares him to Wall-E. She begs him to sing “Soft Kitty.” He swears that’s for when you’re sick. But she’s sick and full of happy pain killers. She wants to sing “Soft Kitty” as a round. It takes a moment for him to change up his singing routine. It’s a cute ending as they duet.

Raj holds a flashlight under his head and is telling a ghost story. The scary line is about how the girl woke up and discovered she was in bed with her cousin. Howard is not amused. Howard reminds them that she was his second cousin. Raj gives him the business and mocks his American accent.

The real relationship on TBBT is between Sheldon and Penny. Even through Sheldon was supposed to be the dysfunctional roomie for Leonard, he has the pure chemistry with Penny. Their interactions are always prime moments of any the episode. On a normal sitcom, the duo would eventual blossom into a romantic relationship or a denied one like Alex and Nardo on Taxi. But thankfully Sheldon and Penny’s strange magnetism isn’t completely directed from the libido. Sheldon’s comfort moment in the emergency room is blissfully awkward in his attempt to be human. He is Wall-E doing his best to comfort his friend.
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Before the episode starts, I’d like to apologize for flipping names on last week’s summary. Finally it hit me why I keep switching Sheldon and Leonard’s name occasionally. Because their names come from the legendary TV producer Sheldon Leonard. He’s the driving force behind The Danny Thomas Show, The Andy Griffith Show, Dick Van Dyke and I Spy. You shouldn’t name two characters with one man’s name. Let’s see if the right name goes to the right character.

At the apartment Penny is excited to get to play a board game invented by Sheldon. She rolls the dice and moves her piece in “Research Lab.” All the fun and excitement being in a research lab now fits in a box. Sheldon points out that they are the first to play which will give them an advantage over Raj and Howard when they all play on Sunday. Leonard points out that they won’t be able to make it and Penny will have an excuse for their absence. She does have an excuse. A friend from Omaha is coming into town. He’s a guitarist looking for session work. He’ll be sleeping on her sofa. Leonard has an issue with her house guest. He wants to know if the guy is gay. She says he’s not gay. She kinda went out with the guy, but they didn’t seriously date. The argument grows. Sheldon runs into the kitchen and puts ice in a blender. He wants to drown out the bickering that keeps growing. Leonard doesn’t like knowing the guitarist will be on her sofa. She storms out. Sheldon turns off the blender and offers Leonard an orange snowcone for being the first winner of Research Lab.

Sheldon and Leonard drive in the car. Leonard wants to discuss Penny’s friend. Sheldon wants to play a new game called “Scientist.” It’s very complicated game involving. Leonard doesn’t care. He bickers and argument by speaking in his “Penny” voice. Sheldon demands he stop the car. He can’t stand listening to them fight anymore.

When you’re in a relationship, you kinda do have to clear your apartment guests with your partner. Things can go wrong. While I wasn’t dating this woman working at a coffeeshop; we had plans to go out. We just had schedules that weren’t quite synching. One night we met for beers and she told me how a mutual pal had been kicked out of his girlfriend’s house and was sleeping on her sofa. But she emphasized how they had known each other for so long that they were like siblings. A month later, she was pregnant with his kid. At that moment, I kinda got the idea that we wouldn’t never go out for dinner. They did get engaged. Six months later, she tossed him out after discovering he was fooling around. What a coincidence. Leonard being paranoid about a guitarist sleeping on her sofa is a worthy fear. Penny could end up guest starring on Accidentally On Purpose.

Sheldon, Leonard, Raj and Howard leave the apartment to see Time Bandits on the big screen. Sheldon breaks down the time and how they’ll have to skip the pre-movie bathroom break at the rate of travel. Raj wishes he hadn’t polished off the last Red Bull. On the floor below, they run into Penny. It quickly gets cold and nasty. Leonard won’t budge on his attitude toward her future guest. Sheldon returns to the group to announce, “When that woman moved in three years ago, I told you not to talk to her and now we’re late for the movie.”

The guys are browsing the comic books store. They have to wait for the next screening of Time Bandits. Leonard keeps talking about Penny. Raj points out that Penny can do what she wants since as Beyonce says, “Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.” Raj argues about Howard stiffing him on a dinner. It turns good and nasty. Sheldon can’t take it. He screams, “All this fighting, I ought to be back with my parents.” He goes through a meltdown recreating his parents verbal battles. He storms out of the store. The genius can’t take the stupidity of relationships.

Penny waitresses at the Cheesecake Factory. Sheldon is sitting in her section. He begs her to crawl back to Leonard and apologize. She won’t. He wants to order lunch. He is concerned over what happens to the half sandwich in the soup and half sandwich special. Does he have to wait for someone else to order so they can split the sandwich? Do they throw away the other half? She attempts to clear it up, but he decides to just order his usual. Sheldon points out that she should forgive Leonard since her beau forgives her transgressions including her bad driving skills. She wonders why Leonard has never mentioned this stuff. Sheldon says his roomie says she’s sensitive and has a temper.

Back at the apartment. Sheldon begs Leonard to go across the hall and apologize to Penny. Before they can talk, Penny bangs on the door. She unloads on what Sheldon blabbed at lunch. They get nasty and notice Sheldon has run away.

The spectator sport of watching roomies argue with their lovers rarely gets fun. It gets to the “mom and dad are arguing” mode fast. It’s more brutal that Kimbo Slice on Dancing With the Stars. You don’t want to pick a side although whichever one has the name on the lease gets bonus points. Unless you’re having an affair with one of them, you want these wizards to go behind the curtain and sort it out. And if you are having an affair with one of them, you hope they keep their mouth shut and not unload your fling as a parting atomic bomb blast.

Sheldon knocks on Raj’s door. Raj begs Sheldon to tell his parents (on the laptop) that their Dark Matter research is at a crucial juncture. They want him at the wedding in India so they can set him up with a woman. The parents fear Howard and Raj are more than just friends. Raj tries to fight this suspicion, but admits he needs to come to the wedding. When that is resolved, he notices Sheldon has run off.

Penny screams Sheldon’s name out the window and whistle. Leonard insists that his friend isn’t a dog. He also wants her to pay attention to the road. They argue about her driving while she misses.

Sheldon rings the doorbell at Howard’s house. Howard and his mom argue about who’ll get the door. It’s shrieking versus howling. Sheldon runs off before Howard answers.

Leonard and Penny show up at the comic books store. Sheldon is in a corner looking at graphic novel. He ignores Leonard. The comic bookstore guy hits on Penny. Richard Feyman gets name checked as he discusses his family meltdowns. Sheldon uses a robot doll to block out their bickering. Penny turns into a concerned mother. She promises to buy him a robot if he comes home with them. Leonard swears he’ll only play with the robot twice before it ends up in the closet. He’s in pure dad mode. Sheldon asks about getting the comic book. She is in full mom mode letting him know he can get it.

Leonard and Penny are in the bed. He asks what her guitarist pal did when he realized he couldn’t sleep in her apartment. She points out that a guitarist will sleep in his own vomit. Back in the living room the guitarist sleeps on the sofa next to Sheldon. The uber genius realizes he should have asked for more than the robot and comic book.

This episode has the friendship of Raj and Howard hit the Odd Couple bump where you wonder if they are in denial. Now that Raj’s folks have made him think about it, let’s see if Raj figures a way to find a woman in upcoming episodes. Perhaps a mousey girl who prefers to communicate without words?

The producers were smart to change the title since “The Guitarist Amplification” describes what drove Sheldon nuts. Jim Parsons once more proves he’s the funniest guy on TV as he takes us into Sheldon’s youth. It’s amazing he survived his home. Leonard is extraordinarily annoying in his lover’s spat although he does have a reason to be suspicious. Although it would have helped if he had experienced a coffeeshop girl that got pregnant from a sofa guest.
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A network source also tells the Chicago Tribune’s Maureen Ryan, who first reported Sackhoff’s cameo, that “there may be nudity.” It’s network TV, so probably not really or nothing more than a shot of a bare back but it’s not hard to imagine the comic possibilities.

Sackhoff is the latest in a line of geek cred-enhancing guest stars for Big Bang. Former Star Trek: The Next Generation actor and Internet eminence Wil Wheaton guested on Monday’s episode; Summer Glau and Sackhoff’s BSG co-star Michael Trucco appeared last season.

Fans of Sackhoff can see more of her (screen time-wise, anyway) on the forthcoming season of 24, where she’ll play a CTU agent.

Source: Zap2It

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“The Cornhusker Vortex” brings us back to the geeks versus jock life battle. Although with the advances in John Madden Football video games, you’d expect more geeks to get into the gridiron action. Finally they can play without fear of having their retainers get stomped in the mud.

The guys race down the stairs waving colorful kites. They chant, “Kite Ho!” They look like Japanese anime characters. Sheldon has to correct them on their usage of “Ho.” Penny shows up in a Nebraska t-shirt, tight shorts and grocery bags. The guys are going off to kite fight. They ask if she’d want to come along. She’s got the Cornhuskers game to watch on TV with friends. She gives Leonard a peck and promises they might be able to do something later. Leonard thinks this sucks. Sheldon has ignored their exchange and asks what sucks. Raj explains how Penny views Leonard as a little man who plays with kites and hides him from her other friends.

If your girlfriend doesn’t invite you to hang out with her friends, it better be because the theme is selling candles or watching reruns of Gilmore Girls. And make sure she is at least humored by your hobbies. I had a pal who was really into the society of creative anarchism. He loved to run around fighting with sticks. His fiance (at the time) thought it was highly juvenile and plotted with his own mother to give him an intervention. The engagement was called off. But he never got back the ring. That was a couple thousand dollars wasted because he didn’t do a background check. Remember that your potential spouse doesn’t have to love something as much as you. She just has to love watching you involved in your freaky hobby.

This is one hot Victoria Secrets bra ad for the Bombshell support system. The Big Bang Theory is getting rather fine advertisers. In their old slot, The Bang seemed to get more dog food and cash for gold ads. Now it’s primo time. Here’s the “I’m a Mac. I’m a PC” ad. In case you’re curious, this is being done on a Mac. Oddly enough, I’ve met John Hodgman. In person, he has the rugged handsome looks of a young Clint Eastwood. When will he get his own TV show? Maybe a nonsense version of the BBC’s Connections with him in the role of James Burke.

The guys are kite fighting in a park. Sheldon wants to take out Raj and Howard. He’s got a plan. But Leonard can’t focus. He’s worried about Penny. It looks like they’re in an actual park instead of the Brady Bunch’s backyard. Howard gets distracted by a female jogger. Raj’s kite gets taken out by Sheldon.

On the drive back, Raj is furious at Howard for letting him down. Howard swears he would have got her if he hadn’t pulled his hammy. Raj points out that at 80 pounds, Howard doesn’t have any hammies. Up front in the car Leonard worries about not watching the game with Penny. Sheldon plays on Leonard’s fears by suggesting this is her way of picking a new mate. Raj asks if Sheldon will give him back his kite. But no. There are rules. And the rules allow Sheldon to taunt Raj that he lost his kite.

Here is a good rule when gambling with friends: Don’t bet anything you wouldn’t set on fire. Although if you lose them to your friend, don’t set them on fire afterward. That’s being a bad loser.

Leonard visits Penny’s apartment. The football party is over and only the pizza bones remain. Penny is happy cause “We won!” Leonard asks why they say, “We won?” The team won the game; not the fans. It’s not like he shouts, “We beat the Empire” while watching Star Wars. Leonard blurts out his fear that she’s hiding him from her friends. She invites him over for the next game. Some of her friends’ girlfriends don’t get the game either. They just get drunk and talk about other stuff. Leonard doesn’t want to be just another girlfriend.

Back at his apartment, Leonard is reading Football for Dummies while watching a New England Patriots game. Raj notices they advertising beer and erection pills. He figures if guys didn’t get full of beer, they might not have issues with their ladies. Howard shows up. He needed Raj to help him pick up the Vespa. Raj didn’t realize they are still friends. He’s tired of being dumped when Howard spots a woman that he doesn’t have a chance of meeting. The duo have issues.

Leonard gets confused at what the football announcers are saying. He can’t grasp the vocabulary. Sheldon breaks down what various football terms mean. Howard can’t believe his friend has this knowledge. Since Sheldon grew up in Texas, he knows everything about football including soccer being a communist plot. He also knows about chicken frying meat. Leonard begs his roomie to teach him football. He’s resistant until Leonard makes a tier one friendship request. The roomie can’t refuse it. Sheldon tells Leonard to sit down and shut up since that’s how he learned from his dad.

Football is a pretty hard sport to completely understand. Mainly because they keep changing the rules to protect the quarterback. It’s turning into flag football in the NFL. Although at the same time, the concussion rate is soaring so you can’t completely blame them. No need for a guy to get that much brain damage for the sake of entertainment. Although the money is good. Enough people take head blows for free, why not risk a shot to the dome for a cool million?

Sheldon makes toast in a Battlestar Galactica Cylon toaster. It burns a Cylon head on the bread. Leonard enters the kitchen wearing a Nebraska football jersey. Sheldon thinks it’s more like a football dress on his little pal. The only size smaller was made for dogs. Sheldon thinks it’s kinda sad what his roomie is willing to do in order to maintain an intimate relationship with Penny. He asks, “Don’t you have access to women that will do it for money?” He mentions it’s another way to use the word “Ho.” He offers to let Leonard take Cylon toast to the party.

Howard shows up at Raj’s house with a peace offering: a new kite. Raj is upset because his lost authentic fighting kite can’t be replaced by a Hello Kitty kite. He’s sick of Howard’s libido antics. Turns out the weekend before Howard dumped him to hit on the gal at Hotdog on a Stick. Howard brings up how Raj can’t hit on ladies without getting drunk. Things get nasty and Howard realizes he can’t let this elevate. He suggests they should go somewhere nice? Raj wants to go to the tar pits.

Leonard is going nuts while the rest of the room is dead silent. Turns out the play he was screaming over was a highlight from a decade ago. When the live game returns, Leonard gives too much information about a flagged play. He’s going Howard Cossell on them. Penny wants to put food in his mouth to shut him up. Sheldon knocks on the door. He needs bread for a sandwich. He asks Leonard how goes his Mimesis. This term throws the roomie. Sheldon explains this is mimicry to fit in with those around him. He swears it’s going fine. When invited to go kite flying, he turns it down because he wants to watch football. Penny says its cool if he goes to the park. Leonard insists on staying since there’s only three more minutes left on the game clock. Turns out that’s three minutes till halftime. Leonard excuses himself. The jockish crowd stares at him as he leaves. Penny explains that Leonard is her boyfriend and he’s really smart.

Now that’s a touching moment since it’s obvious that she isn’t using this to find her next he-man beau. She seems comfortable not dragging him into her life as a Cornhusker fan. That’s good since you really should root for the school that gave you a diploma. Although at this moment, my school is so bad when it comes to football that I merely root that the head coach can keep from crying during the post-game press conferences. If you went to a really smart school, you should figure a way to mock the normal college kids. One of the great brainiac moments was during the 1984 Rose Bowl when future Nobel Prize winners broke into the scoreboard and had the teams changed to Cal Tech vs MIT. When it comes to watching football with a group of people, wincing loudly is better than a thousand words. Although once I got stuck with a guy who swore he gave up on football on TV when they stopped showing the cheerleaders at halftime and went back to the studio for score updates. I’m guessing he gave up on auto racing when they stopped hand cranking the engine at the end of pitstops.

Raj and Howard sit on a park bench. Raj admires his saber tooth tiger. It’s a perfect day. A cute girl walks past them. Howard comments, but doesn’t leave. Raj insists he go follow the girl. He swears the girl was checking Howard out. Howard bolts. Raj calls him a douche.

“The Cornhusker Vortex” reminds us of the things we compromise on for the sake of friendship and a relationship. Sometimes the new things are interesting. A lot of times you grin and bear it. The key thing is to take joy in them taking joy in their interests. Or in the case of Raj, getting a cheap laugh at Howard’s pathetic attempts to hook up.
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“The Vartabedian Conundrum” keeps the focus on Leonard’s love life. The episode opens with Dr. Stephanie looking inside Sheldon’s ears. He hears a ringing and she can’t see anything. Sheldon fears its a tumor. Leonard thinks it might be from all the swirlies Sheldon received as a youth. Stephanie leaves for Leonard’s bedroom. She’s eager to play doctor properly.

Sheldon declares that Leonard’s girlfriend has now moved into the apartment. He activates their roommate agreements when it comes to live-in lovers. This involves division of fridge space, more vacuuming from extra dead skin cells and bathroom schedule. Sheldon wants to ignore this agreement.

While Sheldon looks like a dork with this agreement, I’m in agreement with the ubergeek. There’s nothing worse then when a roommate’s girlfriend moves into the house without being on the lease. Most of them act like you’re supposed to do twice as much work to make it worth his part of the rent. This also goes for any boyfriends of your female roommates, same sex partners or large dogs. I still remember the roomie’s girlfriend who was hoarding my CDs in their room because she thought they were his. Worse is when they take over the bathroom because they think any bare counter space is up for grabs instead of there to be uncluttered. Worse is when they use up all the toilet paper and expect you to provide new rolls. They can’t buy their own toilet paper cause that’s admitting they live in the apartment and thus owe rent.

Sheldon begs Leonard to let her give him a prostate examine. He’s dead set against his lady touching his roomie’s junk. When she emerges from the bedroom, Sheldon asks if Leonard sexually satisfied her. The guy has no “off” button. Penny shows up as Leonard mixes the pancake batter. Penny says how she’s heard so much about Stephanie. She knows nothing about Penny. Stephanie wonders why Penny has wandered into the apartment in her pajamas. It’s really uncomfortable. Sheldon points out that his roomie has never slept with Penny, but he tried. Stephanie leaves to remove a gal bladder.

Penny inspects Sheldon’s room to see if she’s living with him. The closet has women’s clothes. The bed is in a floral pattern. There’s a picture of strange old people at Disney World that he can’t identify. He has to admit they’re living together.

This is always a strange moment when you deduce the critical mass that separates sleeping over with shacking up. In my world, this is defined by my entire DVD collection appearing in her living room. When guessing if a roomie’s woman has moved into my apartment, the major clue was feminine hygiene products being stashed beneath the sink. That’s when you have to have the “is she paying her share for the cable” chat.

Sheldon eats at the lab cafeteria with Howard and Raj. He’s wearing new pants that Stephanie bought him. They itch. Howard bemoans how his buddy is now enslaved in a relationship with one woman while he gets to play the field. But when given a chance, Howard however doesn’t hit on a nearby girl. Raj gives him the business.

Leonard shows up at Stephanie’s hospital. He gives himself a blood pressure check with his own medical stuff. He doesn’t want her to touch his prostrate. He wants her to sign off on getting a series of medical tests. Deep in the building’s laundry room, Leonard does his best to ruin the itchy pants with Penny’s help. He confesses to his former flame that the living together thing isn’t working for him. Penny suggests he say that they need to slow down the relationship to a pace he’s comfortable with. He wonders if Penny could talk to her with him. She won’t.

The key to a great live in relationship is making sure that you are able to maintain your space without it looking like a turf battle. The big problem in trying to slow down a relationship is that you really don’t have any control over the speed. There’s no such thing as a control burn when it comes to the heart. If they’re overwhelming you, it’s just that way. I’ve never met anyone who has “slowed down the relationship” didn’t turn into the beginning of the end. It’s almost as bad as the myth of “let’s just be friends.” That just means “I might need you to move my sofa down the road.”

Stephanie uses the tongue depressor and flashlight to look in Sheldon’s mouth. She thinks he’s in bad shape. She warms him that he needs to stop talking immediately. She has performed a “Sheldonectomy.” Leonard is happy at the roomie silence, but then unloads the “we need to talk” on Stephanie. He screws up the talk. She decides to tell him what she’s thinking and drags him into the bathroom. He’s a little lapdog.

He returns to the laundry room and Penny. His pants are ruined. She asks how the “slow it down” talk went. He kinda explains he was mildly distracted, but it went well. She knows he’s had sex with her. He’s got big time JBF hair. It’s a miracle his glasses are in one piece. Penny says that he doesn’t have to do what the woman wants. He’s shocked at that revelation. But even with such knowledge, he can’t ask her to move out with a fear that she’ll dump him.

Stephanie and Leonard are gasping in bed. They’ve done the nasty. He’s not wearing his glasses. He says, “Stephanie, I really like you.” She finishes his speech with the we need our space story. She goes overboard explaining what happens to her when it all goes down. He tells her that he really likes her. She wraps herself around him. He’s got the star that declares “is this the right thing?”

Sheldon arrives at the lunch room. He has a weird sweater with a big blue crow. He talks about all the stuff “they’re” getting for his room. Howard suggests he text her his message. He texts that it’s better for them if she moves back to her place. He fears he’ll never have sex again. His phone rings. He was wrong. He grabs his bookbag and heads out.

The final segment has Leonard knocking on Penny’s door. He uses his laptop to speak to her like Stephen Hawking Jr. He still thinks he’s sick. It’s a good computer gag. We programmed a computer to have a Stephen Hawking singing the love songs of Barry White.

The episode taps the comedy that from the truthful points of what happens when you discover your girlfriend has occupied your space. It’s a bit of a shock, but the trade off of getting laid can make up for the lost of personal space. Sheldon is being used right as the semi-speed bump in this relationship. His ability to say the wrong thing at the wrong moment is gold. Actor Jim Parsons is able to drop those improper bombs with such a straight face. He’s beyond Tony Randall’s delivery as Felix Unger on The Odd Couple. There’s no a single tell in his face as he steps over the line. He owns this role. Sara Rue’s also doing great stuff with the cast. She’s got enough goofball in her eyes to show how she can roll with the geeks.
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Raj, Howard and Leonard are sitting around the apartment playing a version of Magic the Gathering card game with Penny. She’s completely thrown off by the game. She asks when does it get fun. Sheldon is off in the corner working on his laptop. Sheldon tells her don’t worry about what the play since he knows what cards she’s holding and its not much. Turns out that he has an advanced memory. After he reveals what’s left, Sheldon admits the game is over. Penny splits in fear that there’s another game to come. Howard brings up a pact that if one of them got a hot girlfriend, the other would have their girlfriend hook them up with a friend. Leonard doesn’t remember it. Sheldon gives every detail of how it went down in the movie theater lobby. Raj doesn’t remember being a part of the pact. Sheldon insists he was in the bathroom. He missed out on the fun. Sheldon doesn’t know if he can really go through it.

The whole idea that your best pal’s girlfriend will hook you up with one of her girlfriends is a myth. You think this would happen more often. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the woman won’t surrender her sorority sister to you. Odds are high that if you inquire about one of her friends, she’ll give you five good excuses why you’re not the right guy for her. Or she’ll let you know if he’s suffering from crabs (that has happened). Why do they withhold? Perhaps because if things don’t work out with your pal, they’ve decided to latch onto you? Last thing they need to do is take their emergency back up plan off the market. That’s probably a bigger myth. Most likely the non-hook up is because they don’t want a social life that constantly overlaps between friends and lovers.

Leonard and Sheldon eat in the lunchroom. Leonard asks for a napkin since Sheldon has so many. Sheldon now has a four napkin system to cover all emergencies. Leonard just takes one from in front of his buddy. Howard arrives to bug Leonard about getting Penny to hook him up with a hot girlfriend. Raj begs Sheldon to come with him to the comic bookstore for a Magic the Gathering card tournament. Sheldon has no desire to compete. He can predict the outcomes too easily and he doesn’t need the cash. Although he thinks Raj needs the money to upgrade his sweater vest.

Penny and Leonard are in bed. “Wow. You really are a genius.” Leonard admits he googled what he did. He raises the pact. She admits to making one with a girl in first grade to marry Bert and Ernie, but it went bad when they both wanted Ernie. He mentions he made a pact with Howard about her. She gets nervous. He mentions hooking her up with any friend. Not even a good friend. He insists Howard is a good guy deep down inside. She’s more concerned with his creepy candy coating. She’ll see what she can do.

That must mean this episode is “The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary!” Way to let us down imdb.com.

Sheldon is at the comic bookstore scanning the titles. The Comic bookstore owner asks if Sheldon wants a Green Lantern statue that’s coming out tomorrow. He wants it, but wanted to stubble across it. Now he feels let down, but he’ll buy it anyway. Raj mentions Wil Wheaton has signed up for the card tournament. Sheldon gets excited. He begins to talk about traveling 10 miles on a bus to see Will Wheaton at the Dixie Trek Convention. He idolized the actor that played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. They both had the same photographic memory. His tale of wearing his Star Trek uniform on the trip sounds great, but turns sour. Wil no showed and destroyed Sheldon’s dream. Wil Wheaton is now on his enemies list. He wants revenge. He wants in the game. He signs the entry form “Die Wil Wheaton die!”

Once I rode two hours to meet Nichelle Nichols at a Star Trek convention. The line for Uhura’s autographs was rather long. I feared she’s leave early, but they promised she’d stay to sign for all that wanted a photograph signed. Amazingly enough, she stayed and didn’t just do her contractually obligated shift. When I finally got up to say hello, she was as sweet as can be. She’s much better than Wil Wheaton.

In a car Sheldon drives while Howard leans over the seat to pester Penny about his blind date. Howard wants her to know what he’s told her. He claims he can speak six languages. Leonard insists that Klingon doesn’t count. Penny really is dreading this double date.

At the comicbook store. Sheldon cremates two unfortunates with a single card. But his focus is at a different table with Wheaton. He quotes Star Trek: Wrath of Khan. Raj reminds him that Wil wasn’t in the movie. Before Sheldon can get his revenge, he must vanquish Captain Sweatpants.

Howard is in the backseat with his date. She says she’s studying microbiology. Howard insists he can study him. She doesn’t get it. Howard insists he’s a tiny little thing. She still doesn’t get it. She doesn’t like sci-fi or role playing games. Sheldon fears it’s going to be a long night. Howard asks if she likes magic as he pulls handkerchief from his sleeve. She says no. He forces the handkerchief back. He’s got no tricks to make the night magical.

Remember that when you realize your date is being a complete crash and burn, the best thing you can do is attempt to ruin their appetite by describing some horrible carnage memory. You don’t want to be stuck with a massive dinner check for the worst night of your life. Claim it’s the anniversary of when your favorite cat was eaten by a crack dealer’s pitbull. Get graphic quick so they won’t be ordering a rare steak when the watiress returns.

Sheldon destroys Captain Sweatpants and demands they bring on Wil Wheaton. Sheldon speaks Klingon so loud that across the room Wheaton translates it as “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” He asks what’s wrong with Sheldon. Comicbook guy says people have their theories. The showdown is growing on the horizon.

I lost many a friend to the weirdness that was Magic The Gathering. While the games seems nice enough, it was quite outrageous how the market exploded for the price of certain cards. These things were like Mickey Mantle rookies. Nothing in Dungeons and Dragons was not quite as expensive as some cards that were stashed in the safe of a pal’s comic bookstore’s safe. People were paying top dollar to have the greatest deck ever. The prohibitive cost made me a complete spectator to the weirdness. I spent my cash collecting Beverly Hills 90210 cards so I could have a pile of Tori Spelling stickers.

At dinner, the date doesn’t like anything Howard likes asks about. Howard’s mother calls his cellphone. She asks if he’s going to answer it.. He wonders if she’s dying. If he lets it go to voicemail, he can listen to her death over and over. The two quickly bond over tales over their over-protective mothers. Her mother wouldn’t let her ride a bike to keep her virginity in tact. He asks her to come to his mother’s dinner so she could give him a brain aneurism seeing a Catholic girl with a big cross. She will if Howard comes to her mother’s place for Sunday dinner wearing a yarmulke. They cling glasses in bonded bliss. Penny declares herself a matchmaker.

The comic book store is dark except for the light over the main table. The game comes down to Sheldon and Wil tossing down cards. After a flurry of cards, Sheldon states what’s in Wil’s hand and how he’s about to lose. Wil thinks the game is over. Sheldon recounts his horror story of the ’95 Dixie Trek Convention. He gets his revenge, but Wil says that he had to cancel because his grandmother had died and he went to her funeral. The two get sympathic. Wil plays a card. Sheldon loses his anger. Raj demands Sheldon kill Wil. But he can’t do it. They both love their grandmas. Sheldon plays the enchanted bunny to let Wil live. Wil admits that his grandmother is still alive. He kills Sheldon and goes to collect his prize. “Game over, moon pie!” Wheaton declares. The anger returns to the cheated Sheldon’s face. “Wheaton!” he screams. This conflict is not over.

This episode rocks. Sheldon now has a real nemesis that can crop up periodically. Wheaton must be a recurring character like Harry Mudd was on Star Trek. Wheaton’s a thespian version of Gary’s Olde Time Tavern on Cheers. Sheldon Vs. Wheaton will be a generations Fraizer-Ali battles. They’ll write fan fiction about the bloodshed to come. Sheldon’s ability to go between anger and idolization is a rush. They better be burning copies of this episode for next year’s Emmys. Parsons and Wheaton better be pricing tuxedos or dueling pistols.
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“The Pirate Solution” opens with Howard, Raj, Sheldon and Leonard watching Gremlins. Sheldon has an issue with the film since nobody can follow the simple rules. Penny arrives at the apartment. She calls Leonard. Goonies, Gremlins and Young Sherlock Holmes to celebrate Columbus Day. They were all written by Chris Columbus. She asks what they watch on Thanksgiving. Sheldon declares it’s the parade. She normally goes home for Thanksgiving, but this year’s a bit complicated with Penny’s brother on trial. She says they’d like him since he’s kinda of a chemist. She volunteers cooking Thanksgiving dinner at her place. Sheldon wants to know if she’ll be serving cranberry jelly or cranberry sauce. She might serve both. He can’t take such indecisiveness in a host. Howard’s mom serves up a Turbriskafil: Turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with a gefilte fish. He asks is Raj is coming to Thanksgiving with him. He quickly exits.

Why do people insist on shoving meat inside of meat? Turducken sounds as appealing as a tofurkey. Wonder if Howard’s mom has pitched her idea to Olive Garden? Would have been sweet to hear Howard’s mom describe this frankenfood in her shrill. The Chris Columbus joke should be appreciated since his last film completely tanked. Did anyone see I Love You, Beth Cooper? The bad part about this opening is now I’m hungry for turkey and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Did you see that NBC had the cast of Fox’s Glee tossed of their float. Guess that saves us from one more tribute to Journey.


Howard returns with news that he’s got to find another job or he’ll be deported. Sheldon suggests he take up a life of piracy. Penny leaves the room so Raj can return and talk. She does. Raj explains how for the last six months his project has been dead. He’s been faking work for the last six months. He’s been messing up wikipedia pages and watching streaming movies. Sheldon points out that taking money from the university for not doing work is stealing. Although this would work in Raj’s favor as a pirate. He doesn’t know what to do. Penny shouts from the other room that he needs to find another job.

Raj and Leonard are at the cafeteria. Raj gets sad about not getting to eat real Big Macs if he goes back to India. They sit down at Sheldon’s table. He and Raj get into a fight over how Hindu’s see cows as Gods. Howard rushes to the table. There’s a new research project opening and Raj needs to apply. He runs to the professor Laughlin’s office.

Raj and the Professor Laughlin are very compatible. The job looks like its his. But then they’re joined by a female professor from MIT. He goes mute. He wanders over to the professor’s bar and downs a little Scotch. He begins talking. He takes a second shot and offers to have a meeting with the female professor in his hot tub.

Back at apartment, Raj explains that things didn’t go right. Howard promised him that they’ll stay close. Although the closeness gets farther apart until Howard agrees to Skype. Sheldon bursts into the room with good news that will save the day for Raj. Nobody cheers. He has extra funding on his string theory project. He wants Raj to work for him. Raj would rather swim the Ganges naked with a papercut on his nipple than work with Sheldon. Sheldon reminds him that it’s working “for” him.

Remember kids that booze can open you up, but many times it’ll let you puke words. Everything you say can and will be used against you. During a conversation, ask yourself: would Bryan Ferry look like a jerk saying what wants to come out of your mouth. If he would sound stupid. Then shut up. And if you look in the mirror and notice you’re not nearly as cool as Bryan Ferry, so shut up and nod. It’s nice to see Sheldon offer the job to Raj. However working with friends is never too good of a concept. Mostly because at some moment, your friend transforms into corporate policy. You stare at their eyes and wonder what could have made them such an utter jerk. You’re no longer a pal, but part of their monthly quota of efficiency. Nobody wants to be reduced to meat and man hours. However Raj needs that gig or he’s back home and begging to make Slumdog Wheel of Fortune.

Sheldon is in his office staring at the white board. Raj knocks and asks if he’s busy. Sheldon is busy. Raj must wait. After a longer stare Hinduism or Indian culture. Sheldon likes his desires, but rejects them. Raj asks to take the job. But it can’t be that easy since Sheldon needs to have an official interview. Raj tells him to not make him beg. Sheldon busts out the bazinga! It’s a practical joke. Sheldon thinks it’d be a good idea to laugh at the boss’s joke.

Back at the apartment Leonard and Penny are on the sofa. Sheldon isn’t back. Penny wants to make out on Sheldon’s part of the sofa. Soon as they get on the space. The door knocks. They panic, but it’s merely Howard. This is the night he normally goes line dancing with Raj. He sticks around the place since he has nothing better to do. He’s so lonely he’ll watch Sex and the City with them. He wonders if their periods will synch up.

Back at the office, Sheldon and Raj must come up with an experiment to prove is dark matter equation. Ray jokes, “Dark matter. We better bring a flashlight.” Sheldon is the boss. He makes the jokes and this is not the time for funny. They need to buckle down and think. We’re given a montage of the two of them staring at the problem while “Eye of the Tiger” plays.

This had to be the truest visualization of smart guys thinking on network TV. They didn’t amp it up with freaky camera motions and Beautiful Mind images. They’re just staring hard and thinking deep.

Howard and Penny come out of the bedroom. He says, “Thank you.” She reminds him that he doesn’t have to say thank you after everytime they have sex. In the kitchen is Howard making breakfast. Normally Sunday morning he goes with Raj to the farmer’s market to pick up hippie chicks. Howard gives them props for their finishing sounds. Leonard has to explain that Penny and him need some alone time. Howard declares himself the third wheel. On the way to the door, he instructs them on what to do to finish his amazing breakfast. Penny feels guilty. She wants Leonard to get Howard back. Leonard softly says, “Come back, Howard.” The front door opens and Howard’s ready to eat with his friends.

Sheldon and Raj disagree over the concepts. Raj says that if they were arguing in his native language, he’d be kicking butt. Sheldon reminds him that English is his native language. Raj proves his better than his boss by doing a finger trick. The two fight over the marker board. It finally gets to the point where Raj storms out. He’s had it working for Sheldon. Sheldon still can’t do the finger trick.

The finger trick does work for me. But it feels so wrong to flaunt it in the face of those who aren’t as dexterous. Those double jointed kids were always such show offs on the school bus. Do you think there are uber-rich geeks who get double jointed surgeries so they can do finger tricks?

Sheldon knocks on Raj’s door. Raj opens the door and declares he’s busy doing the finger trick. Sheldon admits Raj’s formula was right, but he won’t admit his way is wrong. He wants Raj working with him. Raj has conditions. Sheldon rejects them. Raj takes the job. Sheldon needs a ride home. He walked over and now there’s a big dog outside. Raj agrees, but Sheldon wants them to think about something on the way to the apartment. “Eye of the Tiger” starts up again.

Nice to see they won’t be forcing Raj to fly home and appear on the show via Skype. He won’t be like Natascha McElhone. Strange they didn’t have Raj attempt to quickie marry Penny to get a green card. Naturally he’d have to do it without words coming out of his mouth. She could have told him that if he can’t fake propose sober, their sham marriage would be false. As the episode goes, both stories worked with the loneliness of Howard and the desperation of Raj.

Next week is “The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary.”
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“The Gothowitz Deviation” opens with Penny making French toast and dancing around to Shania Twain while only wearing a man’s shirt. Sheldon is taken back by the morning sight. She asks him to dance with her. Sheldon believes that in all the alternate universes, none of them have him dancing. He rebuffs her offer of French toast cause it’s oatmeal day. Leonard arrives. Sheldon isn’t happy that their conjugal visits aren’t being restricted to her apartment. Leonard says there were extenuating circumstances – the bed broke. Sheldon doubts that could really happen with Leonard’s little size. Leonard wants him to cheer up, but the roommate wants his oatmeal. While he’s tempted by the smell of the French toast, he tosses it because it’s oatmeal day. The man has set programs and won’t deviate from the norm.

Whose shirt was Penny really wearing? I doubt Leonard’s shirt. His blue oxford shirt could cover that much of her. Maybe it’s her “safety boyfriend shirt.” I knew a woman that kept one of those in the apartment so she could fool girlfriends into thinking a guy was still slumbering in her bedroom. It was her way of getting out of being dragged out to the gym in the morning.

Penny tells Sheldon and Leonard one of those stories that’s only “interesting” if you’re dating the person. She asks what are the odds? Sheldon attempts to figure it out. Leonard begs him to not be so technical in his response. “Oh Penny, it’s like the Cheese Cake factory is run by witches,” Sheldon declares. Leonard wants him to be nice. Sheldon offers her a chocolate. She eats it out of his hand.

Howard enters the apartment all gothed out in a black floor length coat, fake arm tattoo and shiny pants. Raj has also gotten the fake tattoo sleeves. They’re going to hit a goth night at a bar. They want to party with the ladies that want to be undead. Sheldon mentions he’d like to go to a goth night. Howard asks if he wants to join them. Bazinga, Sheldon declares. He was joking. You never see his practical jokes coming. Penny says Leonard and her aren’t going with them. Howard notes that she’s the one talking in the relationship. She’s not happy as being seen as the whip cracker. Howard and Raj head out to the club, but first they must go to the drugstore to get more eyeliner. Penny realizes she has sat in Sheldon’s spot on the sofa. She moves and he gives her a chocolate treat.

Raj and Howard look extra goth in the dark club. Raj gets the business for ordering a light beer. Howard is drinking cranberry and vodka cause it looks like blood. Raj asks the goth chicks next to him for the Chex mix on the bar. The goth girls (Molly Morgan and Sarah Buehler) seem slightly interested in the duo. Raj asks if they read John Grisham novels.

Leonard, Penny and Sheldon sit on the sofa watching anime. She’s not into it. She tells about her friend back home named Anna May Fletcher. Sheldon offers her a chocolate to shut her up. But it doesn’t stop her from answering her phone in the sofa. But she heads to the hallway. She gets a treat before leaving. Leonard is onto Sheldon’s plan for using chocolates to reenforce correct behavior in Penny. He doesn’t want his girlfriend trained like a lab rat. Sheldon knows he can. He swears in a week, he’ll have Penny jump out of a pool and balance a ball on her nose. He’s sanding off the rough edges on her. Leonard forbids him from doing it. Sheldon grabs a squirt bottle and unloads on the roommate. “Bad Leonard!” he declares.

The goth scene is perfect fodder for comedy. There’s the fashion, make up an moping. Have you seen The Mighty Boosh where Vince Noir attempts to hook up with goth chicks, but Howard Moon can’t act doomed? During my art school years, I knew this little goth girl who smelt like the floor of a coffeehouse. She kept the lime action going on her face. Once I saw a pic of her from before her transformation. It was like a milk cartoon moment. She was so sweet and innocent before she wanted to look like an extra in a Tim Burton movie.

Far as training your roommate’s lovers, Sheldon is onto something. Having lived through too many roomies’ lovers, they will drive you nuts if you let them. They somehow think that their boyfriend’s rent entitles them to more than half of the apartment and the remote control. As Barney Fife would say, you have to nip it in the bud. Sheldon has the right idea.

The goth chicks ask Raj and Howard what do they do. They reply with a list of goth sounding stuff including goth food. Raj likes blackened salmon. The girls want to know their jobs. Howard declares they work in the dark sciences. The girls work at the Gap. The ladies are bored by the bar. They want to go somewhere more fun. Howard asks if Raj brought black condoms. They’re in his fanny pack. Where is the fun place? It’s a tattoo parlor.

Leonard and Sheldon sit on the sofa with a big gap between them. Penny is in the hallway on the phone. How long can she talk Cheesecake Factory stuff? Sheldon offers to train her out of this annoying habits using a little electrical shock. He would also lower her voice register on her laughs. Leonard swears he doesn’t want to change her. When she returns she says, “freaky!” really high pitched. Sheldon asks her to repeat that word. She says it lower. He offers her a chocolate.

At the tattoo parlor, Howard lays on table with his ass up. He’s picking out a tattoo. It’s between a mean little skull and Kermit the Frog. The goth girl doesn’t like the Kermit idea. He goes for the skull, but panics when the needle gets close to his flesh. The main goth girl is shocked at how Howard isn’t going through with it after all his arm tattoos. He exposes the fraud of the tattoo sleeves. Raj and Howard come clean and wonder if their truthfulness will keep the ladies around? Both girls split them. Raj suggests that when they tell this story, they change the ending. “Maybe a musical number?” Howard ponders.

Sheldon decides to go to bed. He asks that they keep the volume down. She agrees. He tosses her a chocolate treat across the room. Penny wants to go back to her place so they can build her new bed. Leonard doesn’t feel like it. When she points out how they won’t have to worry how loud they get, he’s pretty much out the door. An observant Sheldon notes that sex is more powerful than chocolate as a corrective treat.

Now I’m begging for chocolate. This episode rings so true for the roommate who has to put up with the roomie in love and the special person who won’t be paying rent while living there. Thankfully she does have her place across the hallway. Penny won’t be able to whine that she needs to borrow Sheldon’s stuff because it would take so long for her to go home and get it.

Raj and Howard drive home. Howard suggest they say they had 4 goth girls. Raj goes weird talking about how they smelled. Howard gets back to the story. They will say they got tattoos, went back to their place for hot tub action and had a menage with all the ladies. Raj reminds him that they could get infections on their tattoos. Howard suggests tomorrow night they hit a country bar to meet cowgirls. Raj wonders how they smell.

Remember kids that if you don’t get lucky while hanging out at a meat market bar, you can always lie about how close you came to getting lucky. A good backup tale is that your potential date is an EMT and had to rush out to a massive wreck to run the jaws of life. Remember that sometimes coming home alone at night makes you more of a winner than pulling a coyote escape from your date.

The episode allowed Sheldon to return into form. He was once more the smartest guy in the room. People catching onto the show can see why he’s such an amazing character. The Big Bang Theory isn’t squandering its glory days.

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The really bad part about The Big Bang Theory moving to 9:30 p.m. is waiting an hour after How I Met Your Mother. Accidentally On Purpose creeps like a two hour long Lifetime movie. Two And A Half Men has never worked for me. Isn’t the kid big enough to be a whole man? Not like he can order off the child menu at Hooters when Charlie Sheen takes him out. Doubtful the CBS brass will ever swap Mother with Men. The new time slot had The Big Bang Theory top the CBS sitcoms in the 18-49 demographic. The show is becoming gold. The geeks will be bigger than the Sweathogs by Christmas. I want a talking Sheldon doll under the tree.

“The Jiminy Conjecture” has Sheldon, Raj and Howard at the comic bookstore. Sheldon declares Wolverine was born with bone claws. The others thinks he’s nuts. Leonard arrives late. Raj thinks he’d be too busy having sex with Penny to care about comic book night. The guys think he’s making a mistake since he’s needs to pack in all the sex before Penny dumps him. Leonard says the sex was “just fine.” He’s confesses that the sex wasn’t great. The guys pick him apart as to how it went bad. Howard says sex is never like he’s dreams it That’s cause in dreams, he’s a horse from the waist down. Sheldon arrives with comic book proof that Wolverine originally had bone claws. He will not be proven wrong.

The concept of getting laid as much as you can before she comes to her senses is real. There’s that constant fear that eventually, you’re going to say the wrong thing and it’s over. So the more you do it, the less chance you have of saying the wrong thing. It’s always dinner that gets a man in trouble with either bad food choice or that one horrible witty moment. Best to eat before you knock on her door. Turns out that Wolverine always had bone claws. Later the military coated them in Adamantium along with the rest of his bones. Sheldon did enlighten me more than those X-Men movies.

The gang including Penny is in the apartment sorting out the takeout. Leonard has swapped Chinese restaurants and Sheldon flips out. Leonard assures him that the new place is “just fine.” Howard points out that Leonard is an expert at “just fine.” Penny doesn’t catch onto the inside joke. Sheldon explains the crack to the room and Penny storms out. She doesn’t like everyone knows their business.

In Penny’s apartment, she and Leonard argue about the sex. She admits the sex was “O.K.” She’s never had this sort of non-experience. Instead of talking, she suggests a little wine. She thinks they should have had a little booze before bed the previous night. Leonard babbles about alcohol. She shuts him up with a drink.

Raj and Howard discuss the concept of Shiksa Goddess. Raj thinks Howard’s jealous that Leonard has one. Sheldon finally realizes explaining “just fine” was wrong. A cricket chirps and using his watch and the room temperature, Sheldon determines the type of cricket as a snowy tree cricket. Howard thinks the chirping guess is B.S. Howard swears it’s an ordinary field cricket. They wager on it with rare comic books. Raj points out the only way to win the bet is to catch the cricket. They surround the fridge. Raj wonders what the non-pathetic people are doing that night. Penny and Leonard make out and drink more wine. They’re going to do it right this time. Raj, Sheldon and Howard search for the cricket. They force open the elevator door since they think it’s down the shaft. Penny and Leonard have moved to drinking peppermint schnapps. They are wasted, but not ready for love. Sheldon has gone down the elevator shaft. Howard and Raj leave him dangling since they hear the cricket in the stairwell. Leonard pukes the booze up in the toilet. He tells Penny that after a little mouthwash, he’ll be ready to rock her world. She proceeds to puke in the sink. He finds more to ralph into the toilet. It’s such a lovey duet of evacuation.

This is just sad. Yet it needs to be a warning that while booze might lubricate the evening, it can also lead to messy consequences if you go beyond the critical load. Not to mention for some, it might lead to a non-performance issue. Never ever break out the schnapps if you plan on doing anything more than slurring your words and stumbling like Mickey Rourke at a wedding. When you date vomits, it’s pretty much a bad time to have sex unless you’re hooking up with Sid Vicious.

Raj shakes a jar with the cricket inside. He calls the captive bug Toby. Sheldon swears it should be named Jiminy. Howard shows the reference book saying it’s the field cricket. Sheldon swears it looks like his snow tree. Howard says something in yiddish that Sheldon doesn’t translate. Sheldon explains, “But Yiddish wasn’t spoken in East Texas and if it was, it wasn’t spoken for long.” To settle the argument, they decide to see the insect expert.

This is where they should have gone in the first place to get a real judgement. Books never solve anything.

The insect room glows blue. Raj gets a Silence of the Lamb vibe from the room. He doesn’t like bugs. Sheldon jokes that Raj must really fear ladybugs. The insect professor turns out to be Louis Black. He does his Back in Black routine from The Daily Show. He’s being let go by the university and isn’t happy. He thinks Raj is his outsourced replacement. He looks at the cricket and declares it’s a field cricket. Sheldon asks if he’s really sure. Black has a meltdown about how his wife left him when he was discovering a new species of dungbeetle.

Sheldon looks so sad going to the mailboxes. He holds his vintage comicbook that will soon belong to Howard. Penny wonders why he looks so down. He mentions the cricket wager. Penny jokes about wii cricket. She doesn’t think the game exists. Penny wants a little pity because the sex with Leonard isn’t working out. Sheldon points out that they can always go back to being friends. Howard will always have this moment to hold against him. He heads up to the stairs.

In the apartment, Sheldon tells Leonard about his chat with Penny. Leonard isn’t happy to know that Sheldon and Penny have talked about their love life. He heads out to talk to Penny.

Leonard is at Penny’s door. He asks her what Sheldon said. It does seem to make sense. They talk about just being friends. They seem to accept the fate. They give a friendly hug. After a pause they get open mouth kissing and clutching. Leonard shuts the door. He doesn’t want to go back.

For those wondering, you can play cricket on the wii. Ashes Cricket 2009 recently came out and maybe soon we’ll have Raj playing it. Do you have to wear a sweater when playing this on the wii? If you own a copy of this game, please comment on how you feel after batting a century.

Far as the episode goes, it might be the first case of synchronized vomiting on network TV. There might have been a very special episode of 7th Heaven, but that was father-son puking. This should be the first time two people hoping to do the nasty have both puked. Normally just one gives a Technicolor spew. Amazing what The Bang can now do in the 9:30 p.m. slot. The fact that they are coming up with entertaining bumps to keep Leonard and Penny from spending episodes shopping at Akia works for me. The only bad side of this episode is having Sheldon once more get proven wrong. He’s becoming too much of a whipping boy this season. He needs to be a genius and not a slightly there guy.
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It’s been a good summer for The Big Bang Theory since it was moved to 9:30 p.m. slot after Two and a Half Men. This could be a recipe for disaster since the show was growing a junior high following. But the show has done extremely well with its hit lead in. Quite a few times it had a higher ranking that Charlie Sheen show. How exactly are these two shows from the same company? It’d be like finding out that She’s the Sheriff was also being made by The Wire creators.

“The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation” opens with a recap of how Sheldon dragged the geeks to the arctic to work on his research project. Right before they left, we get the idea that Penny (Kaley Cuoco) still has feelings for Leonard (Johnny Galecki).

Three months later the geeks return to the apartment lobby from the North Pole. They’ve all grown beards. Everyone is beat except Sheldon. He’s juiced. He swears on the phone to his mom that he’ll win a Nobel prize. Leonard splits to let Penny know they’re back. Sheldon reacquaints himself with his special spot on the sofa.

Penny opens her door, sees the bearded Leonard and jumps his bones. She drags him inside. Howard (Simon Helberg) declares he should have knocked on her door. Raj (Kunal Nayyar) doubts it was first come, first served with the waitress.

So far this episode is playing better than the premiere of Fringe. And I don’t have to keep cranking up the volume. Did someone at Fox not understand that people like to listen to the words coming out of actors? Can you get this blog as an iPhone App? Hmmm. They aren’t being coy this season about Sheldon and Penny hooking up.

Sheldon lets Raj and Howard know that he won’t forget them in his research. He might forget them in his acceptance speech, but they’ll be a big footnote in his memoirs. Howard and Raj debate telling Sheldon something. He thinks it’s about the time the heat went out and they all slept together naked. Howard reminds Sheldon of the time they finally got data and how happy it made him. Turns out Howard triggered the data by using the electric can opener near the pole. Turns out the scam was Leonard’s idea.

Penny and Leonard are still making out and still clothed. Sheldon bangs on the door. He’s irritated. He won’t go away. Leonard wants to go to third base. Penny opens the door. Sheldon is furious at the “grand deception.” Leonard begs forgiveness and wants to get back to making out with Penny. Sheldon tells Penny about the false data. It was only done to make Sheldon happy since he was driving them nuts. They had worse plans to kill Sheldon. Sheldon can’t deal with this fraud since he told everyone in an email that he has verified String Theory. He storms off. Penny doesn’t want to keep making out with Leonard. She must comfort the confused Sheldon.

The uber-genius is curled up on bed. He’s crying cause he was betrayed and didn’t get to go to Comic-con. She sings the soft kitty song. He tells her to stop. That’s only good when he’s sick. She claims to understand what he’s going through. He ponders if she lost the Nobel Prize for waitressing. She relates his problem with the new Star Trek movie. This upsets Sheldon since he hasn’t seen that film cause he went to the arctic.

Leonard, Raj and Howard eat at the lab. Howard has a big bushy mustache. They think he looks like Super Mario. Sheldon refuses to sit with the guys and uses the evil force to choke Raj. Barry Kripke gives Sheldon the business for his retraction email. Sheldon tells the room that this isn’t a set back to his career. He sounds defiant as he quotes Einstein thinking he was wrong. Kripke (Jon Ross Bowie) points out Einstein was right – unlike Sheldon’s research. Raj points out that they will always have their naked night together.

There’s an ad for the second season boxset. Please read my review in the movie section to get the inside scoop on the bonus features. If you somehow didn’t see all of last season, pick it up. It does make a nice holiday gift for your nerdy relatives that don’t watch TV. During the summer they ran ads for Progressive Insurance featuring Kripke without the speech impediment. Wonder if he hooked up with Flo, the Progressive cashier? The idea of bogus research almost hits close to home. I had a pal who worked on a project that realized the lead researcher was faking the data in order to keep up the research grants. When he attempted to expose this scientific truth, he was promptly fired. The ultimate truth is if it makes money, it must be real.

Leonard gives Penny a snowflake from the North Pole that’s been preserved. She sees it as romantic. He babbles on about the science behind it. She shuts him up by kissing him. Howard and Raj race up the stairs in a panic. Sheldon has run away. He’s resigned from the school. His stuff is gone. Leonard doesn’t want to hunt for him. He wants to hang out with Penny in her apartment. Sheldon’s mom calls Leonard. She needs him to come to Texas and talk with his friend. Leonard tells Raj and Howard to go. He wants to be with Penny. She won’t put up with Leonard abandoning his friend. He agrees to go, but he’d rather be shagging.

Back in Texas Sheldon eats lunch with mom (Laurie Metcalf). She wants him to pray since this isn’t the heathen California. Sheldon reluctantly finishes the lines in her meal prayer. She asks what happened with him and her little friends. He doesn’t consider them his friends anymore.

The guys drive down a Texan street. Howard wears a red cowboy hat to match his red turtleneck. They all think he’s nuts. Raj doesn’t think it’s really Texas since there’s no cattle drive like he saw in the movies when he was in India. They knock on Mrs. Cooper’s door. When they come inside, the mom asks what they want. Howard asks for a Lone Star beer. She informs him that there’s no alcohol in the house and he needs to take the hat off. He obliges. Sheldon isn’t happy to see his friends. Leonard apologizes and wants him to come back. Sheldon says Texas is home and he’ll spend his life teaching evolution to creationists. He argues with mom about evolution being an opinion and not a fact. He decides he needs to get back to California.

So is this episode going to be protested in Texas for daring to talk about evolution? Will Gov. Rick Perry demand Sheldon Cooper be deported from the future country of Texas?

Leonard is finally naked in bed with Penny. He’s happy that he finally got a break. He’s unsure why things get weird when friends have sex. He kinda debates why this happens. As he bats it around, she admits that it’s weird.

Compared to the season premiere of Fringe, this new Big Bang Theory ought to win the Nobel prize. This is how to start a highly anticipated new season. The Big Bang Theory remains the top comedy dog of Monday night on CBS. Fittingly it is now the headliner. They better start mining the ore for Jim Parson’s Emmy. He ought to win the Nobel prize for sitcom actors!
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